Hypnablogic 2.0

I've Returned My Loves

2007-03-19T23:41:00.000-04:00

Dear Reader,

Because there's only one of you I would imagine. But anyway, I have returned. I actually returned on Sunday, but what of it? I'm back, you should be elated, and that's all there is to know about that.

I wholly intend to tell you about the event of a lifetime, but I'm not up to the task tonight. I hate to try and work for the man or shill for the band when my biggest moneymaker's flaccid, as it were.

I do, however, want to leave you with something to mull over until next time. What's better? What makes one more well-read? Ought one to spend more time poring over Plato and Shakespeare or does one have an artistic obligation to spend more time with contemporary literature and art? This is a hard decision I find myself facing these days, and I'd love your feedback. I may try and touch on this subject again, but I don't want to sway anyone. I need honest opinions (or at least one honest opinion from you, my faithful reader). This is the controversy of my soul at the moment.

Yours,
OGRB

Yes, I'm Going...

2007-03-14T21:23:00.000-04:00

For anyone that might come across this ever and wonder, yes, I am going to the Scissor Sisters concert in Dallas. See you tomorrow night, Jake, love!

Not Dead Yet...

2007-01-08T20:09:00.000-05:00

I am not dead... At least not that anyone's told me yet.

In the meantime I still don't know about the Scissor Sisters in Dallas. I've arranged off work, I'm just trying to coordinate with a ride to Dallas who is also trying to get off work.

Otherwise there's precious little to report. I've grown boring and bland in my old age, I guess.

So, since I don't have anything of great significance to say, I guess I can post a man for the week.

I think I'll chose... Michael Vartan:

I should really get more creative about posting pictures. I always just choose the "Center" option.

I DO Feel Like Dancin'

2007-01-05T20:43:00.000-05:00

Well, kids, if all works out I may be going to see Jake and the Band in Dallas! Oh, let's hope it works out. I'll keep you posted.

God, what to wear, what to wear? I'll have to find SOMEthing to wear!

Anyway, that's all that's really new here.

Should I start taking piano lessons again? It's expensive, but I'd really like to, I think.

Thoughts?

OK, that's all I have for now. I'll start trying to post the man of the week and artwork of the week as cheap filler soon enough.

Happy New Year's!

2007-01-01T20:50:00.000-05:00

OK, OK. So I guess one of my resolutions will be to post regularly -- or at least once a week.

So sorry to all of you for not posting. Yeah, I've sucked for the past year at blogging.

But I'm going to try to be back, really I am. I just have to get my groove back. Don't know how or where or in what way yet. But I'll promise to try.

Will you still promise to love me after this rough and rocky year we've had? Oh, say you will...

Two Turntables and Microphone

2006-11-14T19:30:00.000-05:00

I forgot to post a man of the week, so I'll do it now. I made a choice that some may find odd, but still, I think many will find him kind of sexy. I'd be curious to know your thoughts on this. Yes, both of you, my dear readers.

This week I've chosen Beck as the man of the week:

Flipping Blogrolling!

2006-11-09T21:17:00.000-05:00

I've been trying for a week to get blogrolling to do its thing. It won't! Why do I have it? Why do I even mess with it? I can never get it to work right.

So, Reese and Sharla, you're on my blog roll, I just can't get it to publish.

I guess I might as well post an artwork for the week while I'm at it. I should really write something about these, but maybe in the future. For now I'm too lazy. How about some Vermeer this week?

Man of the Week

2006-11-04T21:02:00.000-05:00

I meant to post this on Friday, but I didn't get around to it. I've decided to go for the cheap and easy solution to blogger's block for now and post a man of the week every week.

Here is Luke Wilson, whom I've chosen for this week. Couldn't find any good pics, really, but I kind of like this one:

Wednesday Artwork

2006-11-01T21:24:00.000-05:00

Since I haven't had much to say lately I've decided to post a weekly artwork. This one is Hide and Seek by Pavel Tchelitchew, c. 1940. I'm not sure what to tell you about it. I remember the first time I saw this (not in real life, but a slide in an art history lecture). But this painting and that professor were one of the primary reasons I became interested in art history.

So here it is... There are tons of oddball interpretations about what's going on in the painting, but I won't go into any of those. I'll just let you enjoy the work.

For Sharla...

2006-10-30T19:02:00.000-05:00

Who says that "Jake MUST be wearing extremely tight undies when singing :) "

I think he just doesn't wear any at all. If you have the DVD you can try this from www.eeggs.com:

Scissor Sisters - Jake Shears (Scissor Sisters) Nude Scene

1. Press "Songs"
2. Click The Arrow to go to "8 - 15 Songs"
3. Wait till Jake does his dance, and then explodes.
4. Once he explodes, put the "scissors" on the Go Back to main menu button, and press up. You should highlight a "pink scissors" image, click it and Voila! You have Jake changing!

Although I edited that to say "Voila" rather than "Viola" as it was written.

But anyway, if you don't have the DVD you can see some rather blurry screen caps here.

Point being, I don't think the underwear are so much tight as nonexistent...

I'm Such a Horrible Blogger

2006-10-25T20:34:00.000-04:00

Argh! I've got nothing to say these days. I'm SOOO boring. In the meantime if you want something to read here's this nifty little link I found:

http://www.sacred-texts.com/faq.htm

That should be inspiring. It's a nice idea, gathering a bunch of public domain texts about religion and spirituality. I'm feeling like I need to get more religious and spiritual. I guess if I do I could blog about that, but it'd probably bore you to tears.

All right, in the meantime I'm off to try and get inspired myself -- inspired to write something, anything, that is.

Don't Feel Like Bloggin'.

2006-10-11T19:27:00.000-04:00

Do you remember the good old days? Yes, well, they're gone. Anyway, I'll be updating my links to include -- pretty much no one, but Reese's Eternal Dicta, who used to be Lee's Walking Observations, but I guess her observations got up and walked away entirely.

So if you want me to link to you, send me an e-mail. It's lonely on my sidebar at the moment. Although if you don't want to link to me, all the same. I'll be adding more links as I go. Whenever something strikes me.

See where a litlte rough play gets you?

2006-09-28T21:24:00.000-04:00

Finally Scissor Sisters added me on MySpace. Lovely! And just like that -- Ta-Dah!

Aargh, flippa flarg!

2006-09-27T18:56:00.000-04:00

That's how I feel at the moment. Actually a lot of the time these days, but nevermind.

Jake sent me a lovely e-card (well, it might have gone to anyone on the Scissor Sisters mailing list, but that's a trifle. What matters is he sent it to me). Anyway, I can't get the frickin' thing to open. How do you spell frickin' anyway? I've downloaded and installed fucking Flash fucking 83 or whatever it is, and it still won't work. I've also tried Mozilla and Internet Explorer. So whatever it is, Jake, you might just have to e-mail without flash next time. Which is not to say you shouldn't e-mail pictures of you flashing. 'Cause I'd like to see those. The pictures I mean. Well, those too, baby. That's actually what I'm wanting to see, come to think of it.

So that's a pisser. Also, there's also this bit in a second e-mail:

The scissorhood is taking over your local movie theatre with exclusive live footage from Trafalgar Square presented in glorious scissorvision.

That pisses me off because, naturally, it's in Boston and New York among other select cities. I no longer live in Boston and I never did live in New York and for reasons which piss me off as I think of them. So that sucks too. Same with their concert schedule. I live in the wastelands now and the only big events with anything outré (and probably gay) are the wrestling events that are in town this week sometime. Sorry, wrestling's not for me. Unless it's with Jake, of course. Or Anderson.

Point bein' I don't have a point except to rant. I don't even have any pics for you. Let me see what I can find by the time I post this, though. Anyway, it matters little because no one's reading this at the moment, and that's probably for the best until I have something to say consistently. Not that I ever had anything to say, but I was consistent about it all the same.

In the meantime I'll leave you with a poem sent to me by my good friend grenville bobbe whomever the fuck grenville bobbe is. Do you know? I don't. But all the same grenville bobbe kindly e-mailed me the following James Joyce-esque bit of poetry for my enjoyment. So thanks grenville bobbe. Thanks to you!

sunstorm was ending. Though the thought. What is
the Eye's equator, dwindling and west since dawn.
on gulping down fresh clean proven difficult in
think this is the chief. agony in an intensive-care ward and it
to the neighbors' apartments, sun's own escape velocity:
tend to drift back to its only few years since
waiting for her. Bisesa our manufacturing too, aiming
room in disorder. of my seizure. Dan was
through his scrolls. But before he could find called him,

And that's how it ends. I think the final comma is what makes the poem. It suggests that which lies beyond but has yet to come to fruition. It leaves one wanting, desiring... It's a poem all about desire, I think.

Speaking of desiring, I'm sure you're seriously desiring a picture now, and as I promised I found on. So here's one I love that I found last night for you:
Don't they both look lovely in this pic? Yo, kids! That reminds me! Get some more pictures of yourselves on the internet. I swear the Scissor Sisters must be the most underphotographed band in the world right now.

Target Goes Anderson in its Ads

2006-09-26T21:51:00.000-04:00

Tall, silver and handsome is the new wave, folks. Target jumps on the Anderson bandwagon, I think. I'll let the ad speak for itself:

Jake gets Uppity.

2006-09-26T21:37:00.000-04:00

So I haven't promoted the band's new album yet. I'll do that now. It's lovely. Everybody should buy it.

Now why won't Scissor Sisters add me on MySpace? Somebody makes a new album and dyes his hair blond and thinks he's all up above this poster boy shit?

Look, bitch, I allowed you to be made Poster Boy, and I can have you unmade. Why won't you add me on MySpace? Don't make me get pissy. You really won't feel like dancin' then, no sir, no dancin' at all.

Oh, What A World, What A World!

2006-08-03T18:11:00.000-04:00

Whoever dreamt up this quitting smoking thing has an ass-kicking coming.

Never let anyone tell you it's a dirty habit.

It's not just dirty. It's a dirty habit. And that's what makes it soooooo wonderful. I miss you smoking. I miss you like I've never missed anyone or anything... All my love to you!

Free Mardi Gras Beads

2006-08-02T20:54:00.000-04:00

I swear I'll give you some mardi gras beads if you can find me a good picture of this little beauty:

His name is Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan. He's apparently the author of Apartment Therapy. I had read about him before, but then I saw him on one of my grandmother's HGTV shows organizing someone's apartment or some shit. He's adorable! Isn't he adorable?

I swear, Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan, I'll marry you and love you forever and let you organize your little heart out if that's what does it for you. But if I let you organize for me will you do it in a loin cloth, baby?

Too bad. His brother is Oliver Ryan, leaving me wondering about (and presumably regretting) the Gillingham part of the name.

Angry!

2006-07-31T23:08:00.000-04:00

If there's a million and one ways to piss off an outré gay rock blogger I'll be damned if Blogger doesn't have to try and outdo itself by finding a million and TWO ways!

I hope to have content soon, but only if B-effing-L-effing-O-effing-G-effing-G-effing-E-effing-R effing cooperates with me!

Eff it! Eff it all! And Eff you Blogger!

There Are Worse Ways...

2006-07-31T22:50:00.000-04:00

...to spend a Saturday afternoon.

But there are better ways, too:

And even better:

And I think you know what I mean!

I Am Not a Lesbian

2006-06-24T01:21:00.000-04:00

So sayeth the seethru lesbian quiz: Test your own lesbianity.

Here's what they had to say about me after I answered that I was raised as a male:

Cute quiz, but someone should clue them in that some males prefer a different flavor of lollipop:

If You Get Bored...

2006-06-24T01:12:00.000-04:00

...as you must do, if you're here reading this -- especially now that I've managed to cut off all my past readers -- then you can do what I did when I got bored just now -- you can accidentally type the word "penises" into Google and click on the Google Images. I don't really recommend this. I mean, while I am the Outré Gay Rock Blogger, I don't really take a shine to just random pictures of penises. But I was bored!!!

Anyway, if you do this, you'll eventually come across a pic of a penis being measured up to a pack of camels. Not even the long camels, just a plain old short pack. Anyway, if you click on that picture it takes you to a link to this article from seethruzine of which I have been a proud reader for at least 5 minutes now. Actually I'd never heard of this website until 5 minutes ago, but it's an amusing article. Although you don't want to go there if you're offended by penises being measured by packs of camels because you're just one click from that dick.

You're waiting for me to make a point, but I haven't one. It's a whole postmodern thing I think. Penises but no points.

How Could You Not Love This Face???

2006-06-11T05:03:00.000-04:00

I really have to start following the blogs... I'm sure ACC had this up a while ago, but I'm just now seeing it. This is one of the best ever:

Hypnablogic 2.0

2006-04-26T02:03:00.000-04:00

Returning... Slowly... Don't expect the volume of posts as previously, but I think I will post again from time to time.

Love to you all, loves! Speaking of love, you know I love to bring you the best in the fun and funky as I come across it. So on the theme of love check out this great fabric pattern I just found on Google from Sugarkitty Corsets:

Until We Meet Again...

2006-02-24T01:55:00.000-05:00

...if ever we do.

Sorry, been gone a while. Going to be gone for a long, long while henceforth. Don't know if I'll ever return. I was just going to delete this, but I didn't want to delete anyone's wonderful comments you all left me.

I had fun and I hope you did too. If ever I can manage it I will return, but in the meantime be well and thanks for all the fun times! I'll miss you all and hope you all are doing well and will do even better as time goes by.

Love,
Outré Gay Rock Blogger

Quick Test Post for Chloe

2006-01-02T23:42:00.000-05:00

This is solely a test post to see if I can figure out something to make Chloe happy...

You Are a Super Diva

Some may complain about your diva ways, but you brush them off.
You simply demand the best - and there's nothing wrong with that.
Don't stomp on the little people too much though!
You still need them to get to the top.

Are You a Diva?

You Are a Flawless Beauty!

When it comes to beauty, you spare no expense [for eye cream!]- and it shows
You're the kind of ~~woman~~ man ~~a man~~ ~~anyone~~ an OGRB would launch a thousand ships for
It's hard for anyone to beat you in the beauty department
~~But remember, it's okay to show a flaw or too - you've got plenty to spare~~ You have no flaws. Remember! You're a "Flawless Beauty"

What Type of Beauty Are You?

Aha! And so it does work. Well, it stretches out the pictures a little oddly at least in preview, but if you e-mail me, Chloe, I can tell you the secret. But it's really easy. You can just alter the code they give you that you pasted into post in the first place. Or let me know how you want it and I can send you the code to your specifications!

Also, I know I haven't gotten you presents yet, but in doing research I found this article you might enjoy! Although your mommy might not like me for having you read it and getting ideas...

Happy New Year's Everyone!

2005-12-31T15:10:00.000-05:00

Well, I decided not to go with any pictures or profound insights. I know, nobody's reading anymore because you gave up on me when I stopped posting just before Christmas. Oh, well, all the same, best for the New Year!

Goodbye 2005! Can't say you were a good year. Can't say you were necessarily a bad year, either. I at least got to see Coldplay, and got a Poster Boy (and even started my blog in the first place) all in 2005. But oh, well, we shall see what is in store for 2006. Yes, I guess we will.

So welcome 2006. Please be kind to us all...

Happy New Year's Everyone!

Still Around

2005-12-19T23:03:00.000-05:00

I'm here. Made it back from Brooklyn intact. Nothing big going on, not much to report, not very inspired. Seems like people are probably busy with the holidays anyhow. I have no idea how much I will or will not post between now and after the First. We shall see. Maybe I'll be motivated to post up a storm. Or maybe I'll just take some down time.

Best to you all, and I'll at least try and post to wish everyone a Happy New Year's! I'm sure I have to get in at least one more post between now and the end of 2005. Egads! I can't believe the sound of that...

Brooklyn Bound

2005-12-15T00:08:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post tonight. Stop cheering! I swear, you people. So day trip to Brooklyn on Friday for a job I probably won't get and don't think I could afford to take even if it were offered. Pay is what I was making at my last job, but that would amount to a pay cut due to cost of living and there's no relocation package in the deal. Such are the joys of having no marketable skills outside the nonprofit sector. Also, who has money for exorbitant housing deposits?

Anderson is out of town, and it's just a day trip so I probably won't have time to do lunch with Jake either if he's even in town! So in addition to freezing ass cold weather here in the Northeast, expect light to no posting until the weekend. There you go with the cheering again! Fine, I'm off to bed if you're going to be that way. But as a parting gift, go visit Lee's fun post on Anderson Cooper Corner I just saw.

P.S. to Jake Shears: Sorry about lunch, baby. But I swear I'll clear a weekend for you sometime soon!

Another Uninspired Post

2005-12-13T20:10:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I got nothing. I know. But I saw a post by limetea on Just Wishful Thinking entitled "I Don't Want to Start Any Blasphemous Rumors..." Surprisingly my point is not the stunning picture of someone I promised Jake Shears to stop mentioning so often. So stay with me a minute and go gawk there afterwards. Speaking of gawking, Gawker has a role to play here, too.

It was the title of limetea's post that set me off on this particular tangent, the Depeche Mode reference. Someone, anyone, please, why doesn't Dave Gahan ever look the same in any two pics I've ever seen of the man? I saw an interview somewhere a couple of years ago with him and Martin Gore and remember thinking time has been harsh to the two of them. But then Gawker, posted this in October where there's a pic of Dave looking pretty fabulous in contrast to the interview pics I saw a couple of years ago (am I allowed to use Gawker's photos if I leave the little copyright info on it???). One of the great voices of all time aside, this only proves my point that he's a shapeshifter!

Let's compare:

And don't tell me it's just a stubble versus clean-shaven, color vs. black and white, color, hair, lighting thing. Because it's not! The man never looks the same! I swear to you!

Google Hearts Hanukkah

2005-12-13T17:48:00.000-05:00

I don't mind being the go-to-guy for pink trees, but I want to counter this new trend. I must make an all-out effort to avoid ever mentioning dictators on my blog again, specifically certain dictators affiliated with the 3rd R - e - i - c - h (I hope that rendering means I won't show up on Google searches for that phrase).

At first I thought it was an odd Google-searching fluke that I ended up having two random Google searchers seeking out said dictator in conjunction with green eyes and redheads. But there's been a third search by someone wanting info on said dictator and his brown hair and blue eyes. Sorry, dude, three stReichs and you're out! Take Stalin, Pol Pot et. al. and be gone with you!

In an effort to counter this trend I was going to post something Jewish themed and Chanukah seemed appropriate. Yeah, i know I spelled it differently in the title to this post, but I needed the Heart Hanukkah thing to work together. Anyway, you can read all about Chanukah here. Turns out it comes later this year than I thought it would. It doesn't start until sundown December 25 according to www.holidays.net. Actually makes sense, I think the High Holidays fell later this year as I recall than they have the past few years.

Anyway, I never really mustered a legitimate post on this topic (oh, be quiet you with your snide remarks!) because when I googled the word "Chanukah" I saw on Google that they have little candles running down along the side of their "Sponsored Links" section in honor of the holiday. Isn't it too adorable? Can you even see it here? Well just go Google either "Hanukkah" or "Chanukah" and you can see it there.

Speaking of brown hair and blue eyes, I need to appease my Poster Boy and post about him soon. He's getting a little pouty what with all the Ander -- er, mentions of a certain other someone. But in my defense, I swear, Jake Shears, it's all Lisa's fault! She posted the sunglasses pic and it was her website that I found that hot spray-on tan vid cap on, and she put up tuxedos and everything! But don't worry, baby, we'll get you a post to call your own soon enough.

Why Are We Keeping Secrets from OGRB???

2005-12-13T12:59:00.000-05:00

OK! I have a beef with you dear readers. What is it that prompted you to keep this little treasure hidden from me all this time? Hmm???

I see none of you are willing to look me in the eye right now... Of course I know where you're all looking, but when you finish with that, I expect you all to run along and think about how you've done wrong by me.

Except you, whomever you are http://ac360.zoomshare.com/ God bless you and your fabulous photobucket account, my friend. Yes, God bless you!

EDIT: Does anyone know if there's video clips of this segment floating around anywhere? Anyone?

Quick Question to Ponder

2005-12-12T23:07:00.000-05:00

One quick thing here: What do you think it means that I've had two random Google searchers find me recently, one looking for "Hitler redheads" and the other for "Hitler green eyes"???

Well, I know which posts and/or combination of posts led them here, but I mean why on Earth are people Googling these things? What are they researching?

Odds and Ends

2005-12-12T22:17:00.000-05:00

OK, I hate to mix vibes on you in one post, because kittens and Anderson Cooper are two distinctly different kinds of cuteness, but oh, well, you've been forwarned.

First of all, sorry, still in going slow mode. Now that the Poster Boy Search has reached its grand conclusion I'm a bit tapped out. I have some content ideas I'll try out, and then just my usual rambling odds and ends. But forgive me being a bit uninspired at the moment (well, more so than usual). In the meantime I had a job interview today. I don't have any idea how to read how it went so I won't go into it. Of course at the end they told me that they're just starting the process, it'll be a good while, blah, blah, blah.

Anyway I only had two specific bits to share with you:

1) Kitten Update! Oh, and yes, we are keeping her so far as I know. No name as of yet. I swear if my roommate doesn't pick a name I'm just going to start calling her something. It seems wrong to have a nameless kitten for too long. I was worried that she seemed lethargic last night, but my concerns have been allayed.

Tonight my other roommates had gone out and when I went into the kitchen she came darting out of someplace or another. I took her into my room and we played a bit. She settled in and I thought we'd have a nice enough nap like we did a couple of evenings ago, but then I had to get up for some reason or another and this disturbed her peace and she was wide awake afterwards.

Shortly thereafter my two roommates returned together and clearly she has settled into living here. First of all the noise caught her attention and she was immediately curious to know what was happening on the other side of the door and wouldn't take no for an answer. Then after we went out and I put her down and I guess she satisfied herself as to the general goings-on she went ever so slightly berserk.

I didn't know they could get quite so wound-up that little, but she did. She darted here, she darted there, she attacked this, she assaulted that. She even did that thing only little kittens ever seem to do where she arched up and cocked her ears back and staggered sideways in that kittenish attempt to try and appear vicious or something. I love that move! They never do that when they get past a certain age.

She found a ball (rubber, slightly smaller than a baseball) I never knew existed in the apartment, and swatted that about for a bit. Although at this point I was trying to get down the hall to go to the store downstairs before it closed and she insisted on trying to follow me. So in an attempt to distract her I picked up the ball and tossed it slightly to see what she would do. This confused her to no end and she stopped in midstep with one little paw poised in the air and stared after the ball where it had stopped. I also hadn't any idea that at that young their attention spans were quite so long, but she poised there for a good long time, all told before she approached the ball gingerly. Well, this took her into the line of sight of my roommates, so I slipped out the door.

One other thing I discovered is that she's apparently a music critic and is wholly unimpressed with the Scissor Sisters because she tolerates television, even other music, but she cried something fierce a few bars into Filthy/Gorgeous. Sorry, Jake, et. al. Kitty doesn't seem to think much of you. In this case Music really was The Victim because I had to put a stop to it to settle the kitten.

So all in all I'd say she seems healthy enough. Oh, and one more thing, here's a pic where you can see her face. I keep meaning to take a picture of her next to my foot or hand or an object to give her scale, because I'm just overwhelmed at how tiny she is, but anyway this will do for now:

2) OK, so switching cuteness vibes. I saw a new Anderson picture, an AnderPic if you will, that I had not seen before! Go here to Anderson Cooper Corner and behold! I think someone wrote something, too. You'll have to let me know what the post was about because I can't say I managed to get much beyond the picture. I decided not to just steal the pic outright and post it here. Well, not at least just yet. I mean I did steal the pic outright, but I'm not posting it tonight. I'm sure it'll show up at a later point, though. I did try and find a Calvin Klein or Hugo Boss or some other designer sunglasses ad with a professional model at a similar angle -- I know they exist, I've seen them -- so we could compare and contrast and be in awe together at the stunning beauty and raw sexuality that positively drip from the AnderPic in question, and also so we could see how convincingly Anderson could be a CK or Boss or other designer model. Alas, I could not find such a pic, so you'll just have to go to ACC and check it out. But if you find such a pic of some random male model let me know and we'll do a compare/contrast post here.

Which leads me to a final point -- this is a call to the ACC folks. Do you have any AnderPics of him in a tux somewhere in your photo archives? It occurs to me I've not seen one if such a thing exists. So I issue you this as a challenge, ACC: AnderTux!

The Big Announcement!

2005-12-10T20:10:00.000-05:00

Here he is, the one you’ve all been waiting for. Meet your new Hypnablogic Official Poster Boy...................................................

Jake Shears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations Jake, it looks like it’s you and me, baby!

Race highlights:
This race started out as tight as the People’s Choice with Ewan McGregor the early breakaway leader for a time. I had just settled into the idea that Ewan was to be the chosen one when lo and behold I came home one night, checked the voting and what should I discover but that some fiercely patriotic Dane had stuffed the ballot box to push Oliver well over the top. I fretted over how to handle this development, but decided ultimately it had to stand. I had not banned multiple votes at the outset, nor did I establish that as a guideline, so there was nothing for it but to let Oliver retain his lead. So Oliver it was. But wait! No, not Oliver. For as it turns out, a rabid Scissors Sisters fan was having none of this and countered Oliver’s ballot stuffing Dane with some ballot stuffing of their own. And this is how things remained up until the end. I do not know if the same Scissors Sisters fan showed up again and clicked off a few more votes for good measure or if yet another rabid Scissors Sisters fan or two or three followed suit, but in the end Jake Shears landed the coveted Hypnablogic Official Poster Boy position by a landslide. Here is the final breakdown:

OK, Jake! I hope you’re ready for this. You know the obligations and responsibilities and you know your own special challenges to face going forward. But I do believe if anyone has what it takes to pull this off, it’s you, my little lovely.

Oh, and if I might add an aside here, Jake, I need pics, lots of them! Your pics are a bit hard to come by and they’re often tiny and indistinct. So get to getting photographed, babe, I and my readers are counting on you!

So thank you all for voting, dear readers! Thank you all to the other Candidates and best wishes for the future!

And Congratulations, Jake Shears! You are the Hypnablogic Official Poster Boy!

One final thing: Many of you have wondered what is to become of Anderson. Well, as I have stated emphatically many times he will still be around. And on that note, I’m off to do one final thing to close out the Great Hypnablogic Official Poster Boy Search of 2005! Stay tuned for some sidebar updates coming to a Hypnablogic blog near you! Anyway, I know this will work out, because both Anderson and Jake are so gracious and only have my interests and your interests at heart, dear readers, and so Anderson has stopped by to congratulate Jake on being named the Hypnablogic Official Poster Boy:

And thus ends the Great Hypnablogic Official Poster Boy Search of 2005!

First Announcement: People’s Choice Poster Boy!

2005-12-10T20:02:00.000-05:00

Your new People’s Choice Poster Boy is...................................................

Nick Beyeler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations to Nick, and I am pleased to have him as the People’s Choice Poster Boy!

Race highlights:
I should like to say this turned out to be the decidedly more exciting of the two races. While Ed Norton jumped out into the lead initially, thanks to Official First Voter Lisa, ultimately it became apparent that the leading favorite would be Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake G. almost had this wrapped up, but then events heated up as Michael Wincott rallied and the race became a tie. Then, from out of nowhere, Nick Beyeler edged into the lead. Nick and Michael slugged it out right up until the final few days. Finally, just to make things even more interesting, Derrick Davenport and Ryan Carnes who had hitherto figured not at all in this race racked up a handful of votes each. In the end, however, Nick proved the decisive winner and the race ended up as follows:

So thanks again to all of the wonderful People’s Choice Candidates. All of the Candidates and those who nominated them should be proud! As regards Nick, of course the People’s Choice Poster Boy will never figure as large into the grand scheme of things as the Official Hypnablogic Poster Boy. Still, if you have questions, comments or items of note regarding Nick that you feel warrant a post, let me know. I suppose I will have to make an effort to brush up on my Nick knowledge.

Once again, Thank You, People’s Choice Candidates, and Congratulations, Nick Beyeler, you are the People’s Choice Poster Boy!

Closing Ceremonies

2005-12-10T19:59:00.000-05:00

It is nearly time for the big announcements! Those posts will be up shortly after this one.

First some final thoughts: Thank you all, dear readers, for your participation. We have finally reached the conclusion of a month-long process that was supposed to have taken a week. But oh, well, these things happen. Finally, thanks to all the men who participated. It was an exciting week of voting and it was a fun and interesting race to watch. In the end, there will only be one man chosen as the People’s Choice Poster Boy and one man chosen as the Official Hypnablogic Poster Boy. This saddens me, because each of the Candidates has their merits. I have plans to feature both Poster Boys which I will unveil shortly. And, of course, the Official Hypnablogic Poster Boy will figure prominently henceforth. But what of the others? If any of you have suggestions for how these men could be thanked and/or featured in some way I would be open to them. Otherwise perhaps I will simply let them move on with their lives and professional careers.

One more thing. To answer everyone’s burning question, yes I did vote. I voted only once in each race, and I waited until just before I closed the polls. I voted once for Lenny Kravitz as Official Poster Boy because he had no votes and I simply could not have a Candidate with no votes. And I voted in the People’s Choice poll for Mehcad Brooks. In the People’s Choice race only Mehcad and Seth Green had no votes. It was a difficult decision, but in the end I decided Seth Green had already received the Congeniality Award from me, thus the only right thing to do was to give my vote to Mehcad.

All right, it is time!

Polls are Down and KittyPics Are Up!

2005-12-10T02:25:00.000-05:00

OK, so things didn't exactly work out. Polls didn't close until about 10 minutes ago, so 2:15 in the morning or thereabouts. First I had a headache and laid down to try and get rid of it. Got up around 9:15. Ran to the store downstairs. Came back upstairs, and Simpsons episodes and a kitten intervened. So I got distracted.

Anyhow, polls are officially closed. Announcements will be made sometime tomorrow or Sunday.

But in the meantime here are the best KittyPics I could obtain for the moment.

None really capture quite how tiny she actually is and I had a hard time capturing her little face. Also she has no name as of yet. Finally, disregard the dirty floor. The last pic you can vaguely see her little face as I snapped her pic just before I stopped her from eating some random item off the aforementioned dirty floor:

Snow and Kittens

2005-12-09T14:20:00.000-05:00

Well, I am at home today. I got a reprieve from my part-time job for the day. I have lots I need to do, and since it looks like the weekend will be a snowy mess I guess I'll have plenty of opportunity to get such things done.

As I said, it is snowing. First big, soft flakes. Then sleet. Now it is blustery and windy and dramatic. I know, I know, I better get used to it because it is the first major snow of the season and I am sure there will be much more to come. In fact, if things go as they usually do, this snow will accumulate, and there will be no more days where there isn't at least some snow covering the ground until oh, say the end of March or even on into April depending upon how the melting goes in the spring.

Good news is, though, I will definitely be indoors safe at home tonight so Hypnablogic Poster Boy polls will close promptly at 10:00 or shortly thereafter. So if you're going to, you'd better make your final push between now and 10:00 p.m. At any rate, I have to announce a winner, because I sure could use a Poster Boy to snuggle up with and keep me warm on such a winter's day.

Again, I know I should get used to the snow and not be afraid to get out in it because I will have to many more times this winter. But in the meantime I'm happy to let it blow and bluster and watch it from the warmth and comfort of my apartment.

I did, however, get out briefly to walk up to the center of town, grab a chai from Dunkin' Donuts and pick up kitten food.

Kitten food, OGRB??!!

Why yes. Last night, I was strangly thinking of puppies and kittens as I walked in the door of my apartment. And it must have been a form of prescience, because what should I see upon entering but a tiny baby kitten stumbling down the hall towards me crying at every step. Turns out my roommate went to a friend's house to help with computer problems and ended up adopting a kitten in the process.

I stopped by the pet store on the way back from getting coffee to see if they had any specially formulated kitten food. The woman was a little alarmist. Seems my roommate adopted at six weeks and should have waited until 10 weeks. Furthermore, it seems we need to schedule a vet appointment immediately to make sure everything's OK with the kitten. I don't know how to handle this, as it's not really my kitten. But I did buy the special kitten food she recommended.

All right, so that's it. I know, this was a boring, poorly written post. I can't promise there won't be more of these today. Such is what one does when holing up and avoiding blustery, snowy weather conditions.

P.S. Yes, I know. I haven't had a chance to take any KittyPics yet, but I will try and prioritize that.

Polls Close Tomorrow Night!

2005-12-08T22:00:00.000-05:00

Let's say 10:00 p.m.! Polls will close tomorrow at 10:00 p.m. assuming I am around, awake, etc. and in the mood to make it official. If not, then I will do it sometime Saturday, but I thought in fairness to the Candidates and voters I should jump out there and state an official time.

Only 24 hours left!

The Topic You’re All Sick Of By Now

2005-12-08T00:55:00.000-05:00

To answer the question you’re all asking: I will try and bring the polls to a close this weekend and announce winners.

(Also, I know I said I was taking a break and slowing down, but these are quick, mindless posts I’ve been putting up… )

OK, so apparently there *is* a rabid Scissor Sisters fan who responded to the Oliver ballot stuffing in kind on behalf of Jake Shears.

In the meantime I worry I have vaulted Jake and Oliver into the stratosphere of this campaign by mentioning “rabid Scissor Sisters fans” and “patriotic Danes” in past posts and attracting the attention of the aforementioned populations.

So in fairness to the other Candidates:

Proud Scots, Ewan McGregor’s rep is on the line.
Jewish voters, Bahamians unite around Lenny.
Matt Damon, er, uh. Who? Harvard students and Red Sox fans???

So it looks like the Official Poster Boy is a ballot stuff-off showdown at this point.

The real excitement, however, is in the People’s Choice voting, where things are tight and tense!

As I said, though, you’ve only got until this weekend, so Good Luck to all the Candidates in these final days!

Some Posts Are Obligatory

2005-12-07T00:19:00.000-05:00

I understand congratulations are in order...

Interesting Development

2005-12-06T23:52:00.000-05:00

Actually, I wasn't going to post tonight. But just as Oliver Bjerrehuus horned his way into the 50th post, so he barely gets number 75 (only because I want a specific post to be the top post for the night).

As it turns out there has been an interesting development in the Poster Boy polls.

See, if you ask where are the rabid Scissor Sisters Fans, nothing happens.

But if you ask where are the patriotic Danes, they show up! Well, one of them did. I see from StatCounter that I had a visitor from Denmark today. I see also that Oliver has mysteriously become the breakaway leader in the Poster Boy Search with a whopping 19 votes! All of which leaves me wondering is there something rotten in the state of Denmark? (I know. I apologize. At least one of you probably feels that one Shakespeare reference at this point is one too many, but still, it had to be said).

A good OGRB is equipped to deal with many things, but potential voter scandals are not on that list. I mean there could be a small, avid Oliver cult who found my blog. Or there could be allegations of ballot box stuffing, in which case there are no guidelines to specifically address that issue. I swear, even Florida has never known the likes of this kind of potential voting controversy!

OK, everyone. Weigh in with your thoughts on this issue if you wish. I will take all your comments into serious consideration.

Oh, and Jake Shears, Ewan McGregor, Matt Damon and Lenny Kravitz -- you had better get to campaigning in light of all of this!

You Are Not Forgotten

2005-12-05T23:13:00.000-05:00

IF YOU’RE JUST DROPPING BY, BE SURE AND VOTE IN MY POLLS! See the sidebar and the previous posts for info.

Thanks to everyone who has voted! Why am I not flooded with voters? Where are the rabid Scissor Sisters fans rallying behind Jake, or the patriotic Danes mounting a get out the vote campaign for Oliver? Nor have any of the other Candidates -- Official or People's Choice either one -- roused their fans to support their Candidacy. I should think this would be everyone's top priority! I guess I know who my real friends are, dear readers. And I love you all, I really do.

Seriously, though, just checking in. I don’t have much to say. No, I’m not ready to make the big announcement about the Poster Boy Search. Actually I am taking a few days to hopefully get around to doing some other things I need to deal with apart from the blog. I won’t be giving up blogging, but I’m taking this time to slow down for a little bit. Eventually, though, I hope to get inspired and be back up and running again full force!

I know I run a risk, because given my microscopic readership it’s probably better to post often even if in a rather uninspired way than to simply not post at all, so I completely lose everyone’s interest. But still, I thought the end of the buildup to the Poster Boy voting would be a good time to take a little breather.

In the meantime, feel free to leave a comment or e-mail and let me know if there’s something I simply must weigh in on. You know, say if Anderson Cooper takes up swimsuit modeling, or you find the world’s greatest pink feather tree ever, or Gawker and Wonkette get into an Anderson Cooper smackdown (and somehow they fail to mention that Anderson is posed in that ad rather provocatively. Please Anderson, think about how you’re sitting, it can work a boy into a frenzy), and finally, um, if Anderson Cooper takes up swimsuit modeling. Because that one’s real, real important, folks. I mean not for any reason except in a purely sociocultural zeitgeist kind of way, naturally.

All right, loves, be well. I’m around, just taking things easy in the blogosphere at the moment!

Oh, yeah, here's the screen capture of the Anderson ad on Wonkette. Go to Wonkette directly to do the whole rollover bit. And speaking directly to both Gawker and Wonkette, haven't I made it clear? Not your man. Not! Yours! All! Mine! Sure we're on a hiatus, but still -- my man! There can only be one UberBloggerBitch in Anderson's life, and that's ME! Bitches!

Hypnablogic Official Poster Boy Candidate Review!!!

2005-12-04T12:00:00.000-05:00

NOTE: Due to OGRB's fantastic incompetence at HTML and Blogger editing, the polls will appear on the sidebar rather than within the posts! Remember if you have a favorite Candidate, lobby your friends to vote, too, even if they never visit here again!

The hour is at hand! We are now prepared to choose the Official Hypnablogic Poster Boy!

I provide you with a brief review of the Great Official Hypnablogic Poster Boy Search of 2005:

Here is the post that started it all.

Here is a post that contains an overview of the Official Poster Boy's responsibilities and obligations.

And finally, here are the five candidates. Their names are hyperlinked to the posts about them:

Matt Damon

Oliver Bjerrehuus

Jake Shears

Ewan McGregor

Lenny Kravitz

To all of the Candidates: Thank you for your participation in the Great Official Hypnablogic Poster Boy Search of 2005! You have all been outstanding and I wish you each the best. I regret that I cannot choose all of you. In the end, however, there will only be one Official Hypnablogic Poster Boy.

May the best man win!

People's Choice Poster Boy Poll!

2005-12-03T23:59:00.000-05:00

NOTE: Due to OGRB's fantastic incompetence at HTML and Blogger editing, the polls will appear on the sidebar rather than within the posts! Remember if you have a favorite Candidate, lobby your friends to vote, too, even if they never visit here again!

Never fear, dear readers, never fear! The Official Hypnablogic Poster Boy Blog Poll will be posted shortly. Before we get to that, however, I have another poll for you in which you may also vote on the hot man of your choice.

What is this, OGRB?! Well, I'll explain.

A number of worthy men have participated in one way or another in the Great Hypnablogic Official Poster Boy Search of 2005 despite not being named as one of the actual Final Five Candidates. To thank them for their participation and to thank you, dear readers, for forwarding me so many wonderful suggestions I have decided there will also be a People's Choice Poster Boy!

Here are your ten People's Choice Candidates:

Ed Norton

Ed appeared in this post.

Jake Gyllenhaal

Mehcad Brooks

Jason Cameron

Michael Wincott

Jake, Mehcad, Jason and Michael appeared in this post.

Ryan Carnes

Seth Green

Ryan and Seth appeared in this post.

Olivier Martinez

Nick Beyeler

Derrick Davenport

Olivier, Nick and Derrick appeared in this post.

Now get to voting!

The Fifth and Final Candidate!

2005-12-03T14:02:00.000-05:00

As mentioned, I found Candidate Five due to research on Mehcad Brooks. I don't remember exactly what happened, but I clicked on some odd item of interest or another, and two or three random clicks later I found myself confronted by Candidate Number Five! I believe he might have said "I've been here. What took you so long?" Yeah, so Candidate Five has some attitude, but that's a big part of his appeal.

All right, enough of the buildup. Here is Candidate Number Five, Lenny Kravitz!

Now, I don't want to make too big of a deal out of this, but I was happy to discover Lenny because he is not yet another white guy with brown hair and blue eyes. In fact, he is the perfect anti-Hitler Candidate because his father is Jewish and his mother's family hails from the Bahamas. Of course this is not to say this is my primary reason for choosing Lenny. Rather I chose him because Lenny Kravitz is, well, Lenny Kravitz.

I've just spent a good amount of time trying to figure out how to sum up Lenny's musical prowess. Others root his influences in everything from Duke Ellington to Miles Davis to Jimi Hendrix, Bob Marley, the Beatles, Prince and anyone and everyone else you could think of. He has what others have called a "fusion" of styles that "transcends" genres. In other words, there is perhaps no rocker alive today so musically diverse and competent and so bitchin' cool as well, unless it is Beck. (Mmmm, Beck. Why didn't I think of him earlier?)

Anyway, here is Lenny's second picture:

All right, so that is what Lenny has going for him, kickass music and being perhaps the King of Cool. But what is his obstacle? If I had to think of one, it would be that we don't really have a history between us. So this would be a new thing. That may not seem like much of an obstacle, but I maintain that it is important to consider. I need a Poster Boy who can sustain my interest and yours, dear readers, so don't assume this lack of a history is a non-issue. I'm not trying to tell you how to weigh that information in your voting, I just present the issues you should keep in mind. How you process that information is up to you.

OK. And with that, dear readers, we begin at long last to close out the Great Hypnablogic Poster Boy Search of 2005. I will post the poll soon enough and history, as it were, will be written...

Are You Gonna Go My Way, Lenny? We shall soon find out:

More Honorable Mentions!

2005-12-03T13:08:00.000-05:00

OK, the last of the Honorable Mention Awards!

First things first: As we wrap-up the Great Hypnablogic Poster Boy Search of 2005 I would like to thank everyone for their suggestions. You are always free to discuss good-looking men in the comments of this or any other post. If you do I may or may not give them a post on Hypnablogic. A lot depends on the man chosen for Poster Boy. Some Poster Boys can get so overwrought about having to share the spotlight. But we'll see.

As a reminder, you can also submit suggestions to Lee for her Walking Observations Cutie of the Week Feature. Check with her for details on whether or not she accepts suggestions and what her criteria might be. If she does take suggestions, the good news is her men are usually better received than my Poster Boy Candidates have been. You should have seen the place when she featured Viggo Mortensen. I think she had to call in crowd control specialists and everything!

Also, Candidate Five should be posted sometime today!

But onto the Honorable Mentions!

My first Honorable Mention comes from Bri, originally the Anonymous Commenter who submitted Michael Wincott. This time she suggests Olivier Martinez, a French actor. You can also read this humorous article I found about Olivier Martinez and Raoul Bova. But back to Olivier, he was a very good choice, as you can see from his pictures (I especially like the first, black and white photo):

In addition to Olivier, I have two other suggestions. These two suggestions came from the very same esteemed Blondologist with whom I consulted on Ewan McGregor's hair color. So let's have a warm-up to the voting, shall we?

When the esteemed Blondologist in question learned that I had granted Honorable Mention Awards but had not included his two suggestions, do you think he:

A) subtly hinted I do the same for his suggetions.
B) strongly suggested I do the same for his suggestions.
C) threw an all-out Queen-sized hissy fit complete with crying, screaming and smashing objects while demanding that I do the same for his suggestions.

Seriously, though, I am very grateful for the suggestions and happy to grant them their own Honorable Mention Awards. OK, so here they are:

Nick Beyeler, who is the World Aerobics Champion. I hadn't even had a clue there was such a thing. But Nick is a pretty one, so here he is:

Derrick Davenport is a model who has appeared in Playgirl and also produces his own workout videos. And here he is:

Yes It Will Be Over Soon

2005-12-03T01:55:00.000-05:00

Just a quick update:

I had planned on posting the Congeniality Awards tonight (see previous post), in addition to a couple of other Honorable Mentions, which I'll explain when I post them. I was also going to put the Fifth Candidate out there tonight and then get on with the actual poll tomorrow sometime thus giving you the weekend to conduct your voting.

As it turns out, I came home from my day, turned on the computer and decided to lie down and rest for a few minutes to clear my head. The next thing I remember was waking up about 30 minutes ago. I got up, fortunately I already had the Congeniality Awards post written so I could just hit publish, and now I'm going back to bed.

So tomorrow, if I can get everything done, I'll post the last Honorable Mentions and the Fifth Candidate, and possibly even the blog poll. And hopefully I'll even get on with some other life type things I need to attend to for myself!

Mr. Congenialtiy Awards

2005-12-03T00:24:00.000-05:00

As previously mentioned I have found Hypnablogic Poster Boy Candidate Number Five! Don't worry, he'll be posted soon.

In the meantime, I have abandoned the search for a blonde Candidate and also for a redheaded Candidate. Given his wildly changing and indeterminate hair color I have decided to let Ewan McGregor represent for both slots.

I did, however, have two men in reserve, one blonde, Ryan Carnes, and one redhead, Seth Green. I would like to formally thank both of these men for the following:

Thank you, Ryan and Seth, for your willingness to be considered as Candidates in the Great Hypnablogic Official Poster Boy Search of 2005.

Thank you, Ryan and Seth, for your amazing patience as you awaited a final decision regarding your status as potential Candidates in the Great Hypnablogic Official Poster Boy Search of 2005.

Thank you, Ryan and Seth, for being extraordinarily gracious upon learning that you will not ultimately become Candidates in the Great Hypnablogic Official Poster Boy Search of 2005.

Finally, thank you, Ryan Carnes, for being a supreme example of Blonde Male Perfection. Thank you, Seth Green, for being a supreme example of Redheaded Male Perfection. Your work in raising awareness of the world's great need for exposure to gorgeous blonde men and gorgeous redheaded men is a glorious contribution to humanity!

Although not official Candidates, I have decided to bestow upon each of these amazing and beautiful men the Official Hypnablogic Mr. Congeniality Award. Please step forward to receive your awards:

Ryan Carnes:

Seth Green:

Honorable Mention Awards!

2005-12-01T20:47:00.000-05:00

DISCLAIMER: I know, I know, I know! It's the longest blog post in the history of blog posts! But most of it's pictures. Pictures of hot, gorgeous men, dear readers! So chill!

On the recent theme of gorgeous, wonderful men this post comes to you courtesy of Christian! All of you are familiar with Christian's work at Anderson Cooper Corner. While he declined the offer to be a Candidate himself, Christian deserves kudos for being one of only two readers to take seriously my call for Candidate suggestions. Indeed, he sent in three of them! Now, I know, all of you are disappointed that I did not invite Christian to guest blog for this post. However, I rather suspect if I had asked him to write so much as a grocery list at this very moment Christian might well have attacked me with a hammer!

Being the awful OGRB that I am, however, I ultimately declined all of Christian's thoughtful suggestions. I did, however, promise to grant each of his suggestions an Honorable Mention Award, and more importantly to feature them in an Honorable Mention post. So here you go my friends, Christian's write-in suggestions for the Great Hypnablogic Poster Boy Search of 2005:

First up is Jake Gyllenhaal!

Thanks to Christian for locating the pics! To quote Christian: "He's yummy, beautiful eyes and in his next movie he plays a gay cowboy!! What could be hotter?" I ruled out Jake G. because he was yet another white guy with brown hair and what I said were blue eyes. Christian corrected me that Jake G's eyes are green. Since this is Christian's write-in I will defer to him. Green eyes it is.

Christian's second suggestion and Honorable Mention Award Winner is Mehcad Brooks!

Mehcad was a front runner for Candidate Five right up until the timing of this post! In fact, I ultimately owe Candidate Five to Christian via Mehcad Brooks. I actually don't remember how it happened, but somewhere along the way while doing research on Mehcad Brooks I ended up coming across the man I realized would be the perfect Candidate Number Five. Back to Mehcad, however. Again, per Christian, "He is on Desperate Housewives, new this season. He's 6'3" and used to be a model. This guy is HOT!!!" Read Mehcad's bio on the DH website here.

Christian's final suggestion is Jason Cameron!

Jason Cameron is probably best known as the carpenter on the TLC show While You Were Out. He is also a "fitness model and spokesman for Men's Health Magazine," per the bio on his website. As Christian says, "I do like Jason Cameron from the show While You Were Out. Big muscle man!!!"

Finally, I should add that Christian made the offhand remark that Ryan Reynolds would have made a good Candidate. However, being a good OGRB I would never encroach on someone else's serious relationship. What I'm sayin' is I'm not sayin' Christian and Ryan are an item. I'm just sayin' is all I'm sayin'. Do you know what I'm sayin'? So even though Ryan Reynolds was never an official write-in suggestion, as a special thank you to Christian, I've invited Ryan to make a special cameo for this post:

One more thing, I need to thank Christian!

Of course, we will overlook for the moment that Christian has done nothing but give my actual Candidates utter grief:

1) And I quote -- er, at least parphrase: I don't like Matt Damon. I like Ben Affleck better. Why can't we have Ben instead of Matt?
2) Regarding Oliver, need I mention the hand? To which I can only say, speaking of hands, TALK to the hand!
3) And finally: I don't like Ewan McGregor.

As I say, overlooking all that, I would like to thank Christian for giving generously of his time to participate in the search for Hypnablogic Poster Boy Candidates!

But wait! One more bonus item! "What, there's more?" you say? (I know, you're actually saying "Good God, how long is this post already?") But yes, there is one more thing. I mentioned there were two readers who sent in suggestions.

Kudos and thanks to An Anonymous Commenter who suggested Michael Wincott! Heeding my cry for men without blue eyes, you will note that Michael Wincott has dark hair and dark eyes. I did not ultimately choose him as a Candidate, because I don't know much about him, but Michael Wincott is an actor who was born in Birmingham, England and raised in Canada. He attended the very prestigious and elite Julliard and is well-known for his deep, sexy voice. The best place I have found to learn more about Michael Wincott (and to hear clips of his famous voice) is at www.michaelwincott.org. Thanks Anonymous Commenter! These pics are for you:

Off To Sleep...

2005-12-01T01:17:00.000-05:00

Sorry to disappoint everyone, but no exciting posts to be had here tonight!

I barely had the energy to get the Pink Tree Update posted, but I felt rather obligated to do that one.

Hopefully I'll have the energy to finish off the Poster Boy Candidates tomorrow night.

I know. I'm the lamest Outré Gay Rock Blogger ever!

And on that note Sweet Dreams!

Pink Boa Christmas Tree Update!

2005-11-30T22:40:00.000-05:00

Well, who would've thought? I posted here that I wanted Janelle Nanos to e-mail me and give me the lowdown on pink feather Christmas trees.

So guess who actually did e-mail me??? Yes, indeed! I was amazed! I was shocked and awed, even!

In retrospect I'm vaguely embarrassed that I singled out some innocent bystander and demanded they e-mail me about something they'd probably long forgotten about until now. Oh, well, I was trying to do you a service, random pink feather Christmas tree Google searchers!

So, first things first, in case you ever find your way here to read this post:

Thank you, Janelle Nanos! You're a wonderful, fabulous person and may you have all the fame, fortune, power and whatever else you desire!

In the meantime, for all you pink feather Christmas tree hunters I got bad news. I believe that what happened is that the much sought after tree was offered as some kind of promotional giveaway by a company having nothing to do with the manufacture of pink feather trees. So sorry, random Google searchers! I admit, I have ultimately failed you. Thus ends the Great Hypnablogic Pink Boa Christmas Tree Search of 2005.

All right I'm off to edit the original post with this info.

Oh, and one more thing. I also sent an e-mail via the www.nymag.com Contact Us feature. Here's hoping that's what prompted the reply e-mail. That would be rather less embarrassing. Still, in that e-mail I did promise to www.nymag.com that if they did respond I would henceforth tell everyone they were the best I ever had:

So thanks, New York Magazine. No one does cyber like you...

We Have a Candidate Number Four!

2005-11-30T00:20:00.000-05:00

I had so much to post earlier, but I am simply too tired, so I'll just leave it at a one-post night. I know, I know. I've promised to post the Honorable Mention Write-In Candidate, and I'll hold to that promise. Just too tired to do a second post tonight. Also, I spent far too much time earlier playing with ideas for my template and researching potential Candidates until I looked up and 'twas nearly midnight thirty already! An OGRB needs his beauty rest. I never knew that an Official Poster Boy Search was going to be so demanding! Well, it's almost over. Only one more Candidate to go to make five.

But nevermind all this. On with the man of the hour, Candidate Number Four, otherwise known as Ewan McGregor!

Incidentally, Ewan is our Mystery Man from the previous post. Nevermind that I realize most of you are wholly unconcerned with knowing that, as not a single person weighed in on the great Hypnablogic Hair Color Debate of 2005, but that's who's hair is featured in that post.

All right, I know, I know. He's clearly white. As regards both his hair color and his eye color, however, I'm qualifying him as a departure Candidate from the previous brown hair/blue eye formula. But what color exactly is his hair? And what color exactly are his eyes? Turns out this is a far more complex issue than ever I did imagine, dear readers. Oh, if only you knew!

So last night, I consulted with one of the world's most esteemed Blondologists on this very issue. The unofficial opinion was that Ewan could qualify as what might be called "dirty blonde". I could have a lot of fun with that phrase as regards Ewan McGregor, but I'm too tired. Anyway, this was only the unofficial opinion from the Blondologist. An official, qualified opinion would've required extensive laboratory analysis of both actual hair samples and even quite possibly an extensive interview with and medical examination of Ewan himself. As you can imagine, dear readers, this would have required far more time and money than I was willing to invest.

So to make a really long story at least shorter than it would otherwise be, I did some research of my own and found the following sources which maintain that Ewan's natural color is, in fact, red. Red! As in R - E - D! Ewan McGregor is a redhead? How could this have possibly slipped me by all these years? I'm so embarrassed, I'm turning red! While I'm only a marginally competent Blondologist myself, I am, in fact, one of the world's foremost experts on gorgeous redheaded men as I earlier stated. Thus, to learn of my egregious oversight of many, many years now was highly, highly compromosing to my integrity and reputation, not to mention my own self-esteem!

Anyway, here are the relevant sources:

First of all, I located Ewan on www.redandproud.com. Here he is at this link.

Even more definitive, though, was this transcript at www.ewanspotting.com. Granted this is an AOL chat interview, so no, I cannot personally vouch for its authenticity, but let's not split hairs on that issue, no pun intended. Of specific interest is the following:

Question: What color is your hair naturally?
EwanMcLive: Naturally, I have reddish hair. It's black at the moment.

So there you have it. In his own words, Ewan is, it would seem, a redhead.

Furthermore, regarding eye color, I spent a good deal of time analyzing many, many, many photos of Ewan. Again, all in the name of research and full and fair disclosure, of course. In other words, I did this all for you, dear readers. All for you. Anyway after wavering between green and blue, I also noticed this bit from the same interview transcript regarding Ewan's eye color:

Question: How do you describe your eye color? In some pics they look blue or green or even grey.
EwanMcLive: They're grey-bluey-greeney color!

To which I can only say, thanks Ewan! That's ever so helpful! I'm glad to know you can be coy at a time like this.

All right. Now I have to do something I've tried to avoid thus far. I have no choice here but to break with precedent and grant Ewan a fourth picture. I just hope the other Candidates don't freak over this. To head that controversy off at the pass, I should state clearly that this is not in the interests of furthering Ewan's Candidacy by granting him an extra picture to make his case. Rather, I would maintain this is purely in the interests of science. I accepted Ewan's Candidacy exclusively on the basis that he does not have the brown hair blue eyes combination. So here he is with his hair looking decidedly reddish.

All right, this post is already far too long. But I have to include at least a very brief mention of Ewan's qualifications. As you all certainly know, Ewan has a long and varied acting career so I won't cover that here. Furthermore, Ewan is quite prolific in terms of online pics available for me to snag so that I may post them in the future should he ultimately become the Official Poster Boy. Finally, I should mention that Ewan and I have a history. Granted, it's never been what Matt Damon and I had at one time. No, Ewan and I have been very much on again off again over the years. But still, a history is a history.

As far as an obstacle, I'm too tired to give this the proper consideration it is due. I apologize for that, because in fairness to both you, dear readers, and the to the other Candidates I should really make more of an effort. If I can find the time to mull it over during the day tomorrow I might add an EDIT to this post. In the meantime, let this be Ewan's shortcoming:

Ewan! I searched forever and ever and EVER to find the obligatory body shot for you! What gives? You're notoriously lacking in modesty about baring all, so why do you have to make it so goddamn difficult for me to get a decent body shot of you? Even at that, the one I found pretty much sucks, but it'll have to do because I'm far too tired and frustrated to search any further. Oh, well, I guess given that you got the extra pic on a technicality, it's only fitting that your body shot be less glamorous than the other Candidates. So here it is, Ewan's body shot:

All right, everyone. I should really add a nice summary here, but this post is already way, way, wayyyyy too long and I suspect most of you will skip reading it as it is. So let's just close this out and let an OGRB get on with his sweet dreaming already, mmkay? But, since I like to give you a final pic to close out these posts here's Ewan's final pic (note how much more blue the eyes look in this pic in contrast to their decidedly more greenish appearance in the first two pics. Given the hell I went through regarding his hair color, we'll just have to let the eye color controversy remain unsettled):

I am NOT Hitler!

2005-11-29T01:46:00.000-05:00

OK, so I need your help here. See, I've run into a problem. I'm running out of ideas for Candidates for the Great Hypnablogic Poster Boy Search of 2005. I need at least two more, I think. I promised five, so five is the minimum. I may go over by one or two for reasons I'll explain, but five is a good number to shoot for.

Here's my problem. If you haven't noticed by now, my Candidates have a theme: brown hair, blue eyes. So Matt's hair is a little lighter than either Oliver's or Jake's, but still, it's not blonde. And you might not be able to tell in the pics I chose for Jake, but he has notoriously beautiful pale blue eyes. But what's the deal with the brown hair and blue eyes business?

First of all, I'm surprised at myself. I don't have a single blonde or redhead in the bunch! That, and I'm the world's premiere connoisseur of redheads, even! Seriously, I think I'm the leading authority on gorgeous redheaded men. If you're wondering, the very rarest, finest specimens should have true, fiery red hair, blue eyes and those oh so sexy cinnamon sprinkled freckles. If the freckles run across the bridge of the nose, you've found one of the rarest and most elite specimens of all.

Problem being, if you stop and think about it -- and I have done nothing but think about it (all for your sake, dear readers, because you need a Poster Boy as much as I do) -- you'll realize quickly that there really aren't so very many famous good-looking men who are either blonde or redhead. Why is that? I have one redhead and one blonde I'm holding out at the moment just so as to diversify the Candidate selection. But if you can think of any of your own you'd like to recommend, I'll definitely consider them.

Furthermore, I would like to take a moment here to state categorically and emphatically that I am not Hitler! I repeat, I - AM - NOT - HITLER. Let's make that clear, shall we?

I AM NOT HITLER!!!

I do not believe even remotely that all attractive men must be Anglo white, have brown hair and blue eyes. I firmly believe that attractive men can have blonde hair, red hair, brown eyes, be African, be Asian, be whatever. In fact, being part Native American myself, I've tried long and hard to find a Native Candidate to put forward.

Furthermore, I would also like to state emphatically and categorically that I am not simply looking for "token" Candidates, either. Remember, the Hypnablogic Poster Boy has serious obligations to fulfill, which is precisely the problem I'm having with any number of potential candidates. A pretty face and a hot body alone will not qualify someone to be a Candidate. They need to also have some substance and a meaningful career. OK, OK, I know what you're all thinking. But without mentioning any names here, let's just say a certain person is not simply an incredibly beautiful model. He's also an actor. He's been in films. Two of them! Not only has he been in two films, they were Danish films, which is to say foreign films. And everyone knows that foreign films are always artsy and avant-garde and shit. Which means he's a serious actor, even. And that's not his freaking hand by the way!

What was I saying? Oh... Oh, yes. So I need Candidate suggestions if you have them. I have had one write-in suggestion so far, but I have ruled him out as a Candidate precisely because he is yet another white guy with brown hair and ~~blue~~ green eyes (EDIT: I stand corrected by the very person who wrote-in this suggestion). I did, however, promise to feature him as an Honorable Mention, so be watching for that post.

All right, well I have spent an inordinate amount of time trying to find men who break this mold I seem to have created with my first three candidates. So I'm asking you -- nay, I'm begging you, dear readers, please, send me some suggestions! I can't make promises that I'll definitely use your suggestions, but I do promise to consider them and all of their merits. However, there is only one parameter you must follow. Please do not send as suggestions men, however gorgeous, who have brown hair and blue eyes. Simply to illustrate a point, I provide you the following example of a gorgeous, brown-haired, blue-eyed man whom you should not send as a suggestion:

So, no, as much as it pains me to say this, Ed Norton will not be a Candidate in the Great Hypnablogic Poster Boy Search of 2005.

Finally, I also need your help in making a determination. This is of critical importance, so I provide you with hair sample pics of the same Mystery Man in four different shots. In your opinion, does this man have blonde hair??? Yea? Nay? Maybe a little? Not at all?

Random Bits

2005-11-29T01:23:00.000-05:00

Don't worry, kids, I have more content in the pipeline. But I'm amazingly tired, it's getting late, and I have to weigh in quickly on the Great Hypnablogic Poster Boy Search of 2005 before I finish up here for the night.

But two random bits I wanted to share with you:

Do you remember Lisa Stansfield's "All Around the World"? You know,

Been around the world and I, I, I
I can’t find my baby

Yeah, well, I switched from the Global Beats AOL Radio station to the Hi NRG Dance station. And I just have to say, regardless of what you think of the song in its "original" form, you simply have to hear the Club Mix! It's the most amazing dance mix I think I've ever heard! Just a tipoff.

Also, as I'm sitting there, composing quietly about Chris Martin in my previous post, some random freak messages me. Actually this person messaged me once before long, long, loooonnnnggg ago. I know this, because AOL randomly adds people to your Buddy List if you've ever IM'd with them at all. Seriously, random people who messaged me over a year ago still show up on that stupid "Recent Buddies" section. There's probably a setting to turn that off, which I should look into. Anyway, clearly this person had me on their "Recent Buddy" section, as well, and forgot who I was but assumed me to be someone that I clearly am not. Here was the conversation exactly, as in cut and pasted (with the IM Screennames changed to protect not so much the innocent, but still):

RandomMessagingFreak [12:59 A.M.]: go to bed!
OGRB [12:59 A.M.]: :-P
RandomMessagingFreak [12:59 A.M.]: you are up wayyyy past the time you should be up
OGRB [12:59 A.M.]: And aren't you too?
RandomMessagingFreak [12:59 A.M.]: well, i don't have school tomorrow at 9am

pause as I consider exactly how to explain that I, myself haven't had school at 9 a.m. for a good many years now, but then:

RandomMessagingFreak [1:00 A.M.]: i'm off to bed, nite nite
RandomMessagingFreak [1:00 A.M.]: sweet dreams
OGRB [1:00 A.M.]: goodnight!
RandomMessagingFreak signed off at 1:00 A.M.

And if you're wondering, my screenname is not actually OGRB or any variation thereof. So far I haven't been flooded with requests for IM. I guess if it ever comes to that I can make an OGRB screenname.

But to RandomMessagingFreak's credit, at least they're lookin' out. That's always appreciated.

Look at the Stars, Look How They Shine For You...

2005-11-28T23:48:00.000-05:00

Well, I've hit a roadblock in my search for Candidate Number Four. I had him all picked out and lined up, but then I went to write the post and I just couldn't do it. Who was Candidate Number Four to be? None other than the illustrious and amazing lead singer of Coldplay, Chris Martin.

Now here's the thing. I've mentioned Chris before, but I'll forewarn you, that was a long, rambling post (no, you do not need to point out that all my posts are long and rambling) and Chris is only mentioned as a kind of aside. So I provide the link for your reference, but you can just skip it and I'll try and cover the important points about Chris in this current post.

Here's my issue. As with Jake Shears, Candidate Number Three, I thought the best way to get inspired to wax poetic about Chris Martin and his Poster Boy Candidacy was to let his own music do the trick, so I decided to crank up some Coldplay. Now mind you, I hadn't listened to Coldplay in quite some time. I saw Coldplay in concert in mid-August, and shortly after that I stopped listening for a while. I remember why now, which is primarily that Coldplay takes a lot out of you, and you just need some time to recoup. It's not really casual background music listening like the Global Beats AOL Radio station I have playing at the moment. Coldplay demands a lot from you as a listener.

But I didn't just listen to their music, I went and watched the videos for "The Scientist" and "Fix You," the latter including concert footage which took me back to that blissful August evening of this summer past. And I realized something while doing this -- I can't make Chris a Poster Boy. I just can't. Why? For many of the same reasons that Anderson Cooper could not be a Poster Boy, neither can Chris Martin. That is, what Chris and I have, it's too important to be trivialized by turning him into a Poster Boy.

I did say in the aforementioned previous post that Chris Martin was my second great love after Anderson Cooper. This is very much true and watching those videos only served to remind me of this. True, Matt Damon was my second serious relationship after Anderson Cooper, but as I mentioned before, our love has faded somewhat. But Chris came along and I just knew -- he was and is and probably always will be my second great love of all time. But let us pause here as an excuse for another picture of Chris.

In fact, because I also found this fantastic black and white image, I'm going to add it here as well because it's my blog and I can:

I know some of you will opine that Coldplay is overrated, overhyped and too melodramatic. I won't take the time to fully address all of these issues here, but I'll touch on them briefly. Overrated and overhyped? I can see some small merit in this, but I would respond by noting that to be termed "overrated" and "overhyped" is not so much itself a commentary on Coldplay's musical capacities so much as it is a reaction to their positioning in the cultural consciousness of the current music scene. Do you see what I'm saying? It's not really a legitimate jumping off point from which to construct a thoroughgoing critique of Coldplay as such; rather it's a reaction against a reaction, if you will.

As far as melodramatic might be concerned, I won't even get into that really, as it's simply too big a topic to cover for the purposes of this post. I've also heard the word "overproduced" thrown around within the general context of that particular point of contention -- or at least regarding the most recent X&Y album. I should take the time for Chris' and Coldplay's sake to say something of more substance than what I'm about to say, but I'm just too tired to get into it here and now. So instead I'll just respond to that by saying that if you don't have the emotional and aural wherewithal to commit to the level of listening and engagement required by Coldplay perhaps I could recommend to you some lighter fare. I understand the Vengaboys might be to your liking. Anyway, Chris has hinted that the band may go in another direction in future projects. And at only three albums, shouldn't you give the boys a chance to work through their artistic ideologies a bit more before you start judging them too harshly? Speaking of whom, the boys, collectively speaking that is, here's Chris with his bandmates (as an aside, while this isn't the best pic of him, Guy Berryman, the bass player is pretty cute, too. He's the one on the far right with the wild dark hair. If I think of it, I'll try and find some better pics of him for you for a future post):

Some final thoughts before I finish up on the Coldplay in general theme. Now, no offense to Jake Shears and the Scissor Sisters. I know that Bono did say, as I mentioned, that the Scissor Sisters are the greatest pop band in the world. But let's take a moment to consider here that when people talk about the band that will actually ultimately be the next U2 they always, always, always cite Coldplay. Even their harshest critics, these days, like to frame their anti-Coldplay sentiment against the backdrop of an argument that runs something like "Well, they're not that great. They're not U2 great. Not yet anyway." To which I can only say this: Listen up all ye Coldplay naysayers. Do you really think you're positing a meaningful anti-Coldplay argument with that kind of talk? Isn't that rather akin to saying of a particular writer that they don't measure up because they're no Shakespeare... yet?

All right, enough of that. I didn't mean to spend so much time bolstering the cause of Coldplay the band. My primary purpose was to speak of Chris Martin, and explain why he cannot be a Hypnablogic Poster Boy Candidate. Sorry Chris, I just love you too much to think of you as simply another pretty face (although you are, baby, and oh, God, those blue, blue eyes!). I'm sure you'll understand.

Also, Chris has great heart. People compare Coldplay to U2 musically, but they've started to compare Chris to Bono because of his humanitarian work. See, he's a guy with a heart, too. How can you not love him? Chris has been to Haiti and Africa and I don't even know where else working on behalf of the Fair Trade movement. Here he is, in fact, working for the cause:

So, dear readers, the search is on for Candidate Number Four. I have more to say on that in a moment, but since I spent all that time researching images for Chris should he ultimately become the Hypnablogic Poster Boy, I might as well use one more here since I won't be needing them for Poster Boy posts about him. Don't worry, though, as with Anderson, I'm sure that Chris, despite not being the Official Poster Boy, will drop by for the occasional appearance. As my second great love in life, it's only to be expected, after all.

Candidate Number Three!

2005-11-27T22:05:00.000-05:00

Relax.
I need some information first.
Relax.
Just the basic facts.
Can you show me where it hurts?

Oh, Jake, baby, you know I can. I can show you exactly where it hurts, it hurts so bad.

OK, everyone. The post you’ve all been waiting for. Here he is, the Third Candidate in the Great Hypnablogic Official Poster Boy Search of 2005, Jake outré gay rock band lead singer Shears!

OK, so what do I tell you about Jake Shears? A former go-go boy, Jake Shears actually became “Jake Shears” for the purposes of fronting for the band, the Scissor Sisters. If you haven’t heard them yet, what’s wrong with you? Get thee to a CD store or an iTunes or a Napster or the music source of your choice and get to listening! Furthermore, don’t take my word for it that they’re one of the hottest bands out there, take Bono’s! That’s right, Bono, as in Bono of U2 fame as in the most iconic figure in music alive today. Bono once declared the Scissor Sisters the greatest pop band in the world! The entire freaking world, Bono did say.

Additionally, Jake may well have the greatest claim on the title of Official Hypnablogic Poster Boy of any of the Candidates yet. Sure Matt and I have a history. Oliver has his incredible beauty and, *ahem*, nice manly hands that are not some random woman’s hands as some people would have you believe. But what does Jake have? To answer that I point you to my very first post ever.

But since none of you will actually go back and read that first post, I’ll just fill you in quickly. In that first post I quoted the Jonathan Van Meter article on, of all people, Anderson Cooper in which he referred to the Scissor Sisters as an “outré gay rock band.” Yes, that’s right. I, Outré Gay Rock Blogger, owe my very identity to Jake Shears and the Scissor Sisters (albeit, via Jonathan Van Meter and Anderson Cooper, but you get the point). So, you see, that’s a pretty hefty claim on Jake’s behalf. Keep that in mind readers. I’m not saying it should influence your decision one way or the other, but do with that information what you will when you consider for whom you should vote.

But, dear readers and potential voters, herein lies the rub, as well. You see… Well, wait. First let’s get on with the requisite body shot:

OK, now that that’s out of the way -- who am I kidding, you’re not reading this, you’re just ogling the pictures of Jake Shears. But in fairness to the other Candidates, I have to mention Jake’s obstacle in becoming the Official Hypnablogic Poster Boy. And just as Jake may well have the greatest claim on that title, he also faces the greatest obstacle in attaining to that title. I think this is best done by letting me have a moment here with Jake while you listen in.

Jake, my friend, we have to have a serious talk here. You see, you would be a great Official Hypnablogic Poster Boy. And I think you and I could really have something together. But I think both you and I know that ours would not be an easy path to tread. You know what I’m talking about. Of course you do. See, one of your functions as Official Hypnablogic Poster Boy would be to distract me from Anderson. And we all know that for you that would be an especially difficult task seeing how you’re friends with Anderson and all.

So this is what you have to ask yourself, Jake. Are you up to the task? Could you handle the potential emotional rollercoaster? Would you always be wondering when we were together if I was really thinking of him, or worse, that I was just using you to try and get back to him, to maintain a tenuous connection? And you know what? I don’t have the answers to those questions for you. See, I would be asking myself the very same things. So that, Jake, is the obstacle you face.

OK, friends. I know, I know, I didn’t take out time to have a serious heart-to-heart with either Matt or Oliver, but I think all of us can see why I had to do so with Jake.

All right. I guess that concludes this entry in the Great Hypnablogic Official Poster Boy Search of 2005. Just one more thing, the final pic! Well, here it is.

And Jake, you are so right: I am filthy. And you are gorgeous.

Attention: Paging Janelle Nanos

2005-11-27T20:36:00.000-05:00

OK, so as it turns out the majority of my random Google hits are from people searching for "pink boa Christmas trees" because this post is apparently the top Google result for said search. Turns out there is high demand for these trees. Who knew? Well, since I posted about it I must have known. I'm such the trendsetter, I should have expected as much, really.

In that post, I linked to this item from an http://www.nymag.com Intelligencer feature written by one Janelle Nanos. Ms. Nanos was good enough to tell us in that bit where we could pick up adult-sized bibs (Poi Wear) but she neglected to tell us where to get a pink boa Christmas tree.

Janelle, are you out there? Are you listening? Per StatCounter people are simply dying to get their hands on a pink boa Christmas tree. If ever you read this, Janelle, please, please, please do one (or all) of the following:

1) Email me so I can post the answer on my blog since I've become the go-to-guy/official pink boa Christmas tree spokesperson.

2) Post a follow-up on the http://www.nymag.com website, which I'll feature on my blog.

3) Hire a skywriter to announce the makers of said trees.

4) Conduct a nationwide billboard campaign to announce the makers of said trees.

5) For the love of God, woman, tell us where to get a freaking pink boa Christmas tree already!

Also, failing a response from Janelle Nanos, I would also be pleased to hear from either the New York Celebrity Assistants association or one of its members who was in attendance that day.

Finally, listen up pink boa Christmas tree manufacturers: You've got yourselves one hot product on your hands, so feel free to let me know who you are and I'll announce it to the world, I bloody well will! (sorry, apparently when I'm impassioned I turn vaguely British)

But if all of the above fails, for those of you who are just itching for a pink boa Christmas tree, here's what I've found in my various searches:

I found this on www.Buy4LessUsa.com

I found www.feathertrees.com which has a variety of colors.

And I found this on www.EverythingNautical.com. And no, I have no idea how a pink feather Christmas tree is nautical, but apparently it is.

Lastly, one anonymous person commented on the original post that people should check out "Robinson's new catalog". I'm not sure who Robinson's is, though, unless they mean Robinsons-May where I found this. Those trees appear to be offered in either white or purple (which may interest certain persons) but they show a pink one in the banner above, so maybe if you call them you can get it in pink.

And if I ever do hear from Janelle Nanos, you all will be the first to know.

_________________
EDIT: Sorry random Google searchers. It's a no go. The original pink boa Christmas tree in the www.nymag.com item linked to above appears to be beyond my reach and yours...

See, I Wasn't Crazy

2005-11-27T20:16:00.000-05:00

Let me remind you of the following post in which I explained I had received several inquiries from persons in the U.K. about a room I had for rent in February:

http://hypnablogic.blogspot.com/2005/11/new-e-mail-scam-or-british-exodus.html

Per StatCounter, someone found my post while googling:

england craigslist scams and fraud rent

Following their search out of curiosity I found this item on Craigslist (apparently they're also targeting Harrisburg, Pennsylvania):

Be aware of a scam from England/UK

Reply to: Date: 2005-11-16, 8:35AM EST Anyone who states they are coming to the Harrisburg area from the United Kingdom(England) is running a scam. They say they are a student coming here for a few months, they over pay using money orders and then they ask you to send money back to them.. The money orders look real but are not. If they are from Walmart, you can check the number via Travelers Express. Call your local Walmart for the number. Since these idiots decided to use United States Postal money orders the Pennsylvania Attorney General and the federal government are looking into it working in cooperation with UK officials. The smart thing to do is to not rent to someone from another county but local people who you can verify.
this is in or around Harrisburg area
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
111610502

Tip of The Day!

2005-11-27T19:25:00.000-05:00

I learned something important tonight, and I would like to pass that along to you, dear readers. Also I needed a test post, which I'll explain shortly.

You know how you always hear that in order to get the choicest cuts of sushi you should always sit at the bar and order à la carte? Well turns out it's true. I went to a wonderful little place tonight in Downtown Boston I've been to a couple of times before. In the past I've always sat at the bar and ordered either à la carte, or one of the specialty rolls. In the past it's always been fabulous! In fact, up until now it's been one of the best sushi places I've ever eaten.

Tonight, I was tired. I let them seat me at a table and just ordered the Sushi Deluxe Combo, you know, one of those plates with 10 different pieces of sushi or something like that. Well, it was underwhelming to say the least. I won't say it was awful, but it was definitely disappointing.

I'm no sushi snob. It's not like I was reared in Tokyo at the knee of one of the greatest sushi chefs of all time. But still, I know when my fish is limp, soggy and faded looking. I especially know when the salmon has a spot of discoloration! If I had wanted this shit I would've just eaten that nasty prepackaged sushi from the store downstairs.

Still, I didn't complain. I was the transgressor after all. I should've known to sit at the bar. All the sushi experts say as much, and turns out they're right.

So remember, kids, sit at the bar and order à la carte!

Oh, yeah, the test post. On my last post when I hit "Publish" and then "View Blog" to see if everything published correctly, it redirected me from my blog to a porn website! I hope I don't have some virus/adware type thing that redirects you from your own blog to porn sites!

__________________________________
EDIT: I'm in the clear. No porn sites this time. Either it was a fluke, or closing down the browser entirely and reopening it fixed it.

Reunited and It Feels So Good

2005-11-27T18:43:00.000-05:00

Houston, we have contact once again!

Most of you are blissfully unaware of the hell I have been through the past few days. You see, since I was here on Thanksgiving Day all by myself, not another soul around, I decided it was a good day to do laundry. I was way behind on laundry, and since nobody would be fighting me for the machines in the basement I decided to go for out. I gathered up my shirts, jeans, socks, cell phone and threw them all unceremoniously into the washing machine. Apparently it's not a good idea to wash a cell phone. Who knew?

Actually I never intended to wash the cell phone. When I changed jeans so I could wash the ones I had been wearing I forgot to remove the cell phone from my pocket. It wasn't until I went to call my family and wish them Happy Thanksgiving that I discovered the phone was missing. It took me a while before I finally figured out what had happened. By then, it was too late.

Fortunately, though, I still had my old phone lying around. After much ado including a couple of trips to two different Cingular stores and a transaction with a shady looking business in Chinatown, I managed to get my old phone unlocked. Also fortunately, the sim card from the now destroyed phone also works. And voila! OGRB is back in business. It's weird to be reunited with an old phone. It's familiar, but different. Do you know what I mean? Maybe that's how it'll feel if Matt Damon ends up being the Hypnablogic Poster Boy and we end up trying to get going again where we left off.

Speaking of which, when I went to check my voicemail I was utterly dismayed to see that neither Matt Damon nor Oliver Bjerrehuus had called to wish me Happy Thanksgiving. Just know this, boys, I'll remember that when it comes down to the wire on the final decision for the Hypnablogic Poster Boy. I should let Oliver slide, because he's Danish and Thanksgiving is an American holiday, but still, he lived in New York for a time. He should know better.

By the way, if you're ever in need of a phone I recommend the Cingular store in Coolidge Corner in Brookline, MA. This has nothing to do with their phone selection or customer service, but it has everything to do with a very cute boy with a sprinkling of light freckles and the prettiest blue-green eyes you ever did see. In fact, even if you don't need a phone, if you're ever in Coolidge Corner in Brookline you should head into the Cingular store and at least pretend to need a phone. If I ever win the lottery I'm going to go back there just to buy a new phone. I might even buy a new phone every day. Or at least every day that boy happens to be working there.

While I hate to end on a sad note, though, I just have to say Rest In Peace my now dead cell phone. Although we'd only been together for a few short months, we did have some good times together, didn't we? After all, I'm not just losing a cell phone, I'm also losing my grainy, muffled three-minute clip of Coldplay performing "Clocks" live in concert. Sure most people would've been hard-pressed to make out that it had anything to do with Coldplay, much less that it was "Clocks," but I knew, and that's all that mattered.

Let's all have a moment of silence:

(Disregard the hideous background. Those are my sheets if you're wondering.)

Party Like It's 1993!

2005-11-27T12:55:00.000-05:00

I'm going to be sad when Thanksgiving weekend officially ends. Why? Because FNX Radio otherwise known as 101.7 is doing an all Leftover weekend.

What's that you ask? FNX Radio does what they call Leftover Lunch, which is mostly alternative '80s music with a smidgen of late '70s and a dash of early '90s. It's sooooo what I was listening to in high school. It's like the Clinton years are just beginning all over again!

So FNX, this post is for you!

Maybe I should keep listening, and tomorrow morning when I wake up I'll be a graduating high school senior, Kurt Cobain will still be alive, Michael Hutchence will still be the lead singer of INXS and the Clinton years will just be getting under way. And, of course, Anderson Cooper will have light brown hair and those cute flipped over bangs. Oh, that it were so, my friends. Oh, that it were so...

Oh, Yes and Welcome Back from Thanksgiving!

2005-11-27T11:29:00.000-05:00

Well, that's not exactly what I had in mind for my first post to welcome people back from the Thanksgiving weekend!

However, I'm awake and doing well. I learned a couple of things about tequila last night:

1) You sit there sipping away waiting for that warm, fuzzy feeling, but instead you go straight to wanting your pillow and a warm blankie. At least I did. One minute I was fine, the next I was just ready to pass out asleep.

2) It's a good clean-burning drunk, because I woke up fine. Sure I slept for about 12 hours from 11:00 at night until 11:00 this morning, but I had no grogginess, no headache. I almost wouldn't have known I'd ever gotten drunk!

And one more thing -- I did *not* drink in the afternoon. You will note it was 7:40 at night when I posted that! I also didn't do anything too outrageous like looking up clown porn. Again, this is probably because I just went straight to sleepytime.

Although, after receiving the suggestion from someone, I might have posted a Friendster bulletin board item about how I would not ever do an alcohol enema or any other kind of enema ever in my lifetime if I can at all avoid it, and I should probably go delete that now. But otherwise, nothing too crazy.

And I know -- hopefully I'll get some genuine content and a third candidate up sometime today.

One Drinky Winky! Two Drinky Winkys!

2005-11-26T19:41:00.000-05:00

I would guess money you can't even bet what I'm doing right now!

Two Months!

2005-11-22T23:04:00.000-05:00

I just realized last night that in addition to my 50th post, today -- November 22nd -- represents the two month mark for me. I started my blog on September 22.

Since I let Oliver Bjerrehuus steal all the thunder of the 50th post without realizing it, I can take a moment to mark another milestone with the two month anniversary post!

So here it is, the special Two Months of Hypnablogic Special Edition Post!

Furthermore, since Thanksgiving is coming up (for those of us in the U.S.) I am taking a brief blogging hiatus for the next couple of days. I will post again sometime after Thursday. I rather think no one will be reading between now and then so I see little point in posting anything, especially the next Candidate, until people are actually around to read the posts because nobody's going to want to play catch-up with me! Indeed, the world dies a tiny death around major holidays and already things have grown quieter starting this evening. The subway was very sparse for a Tuesday night.

Finally, to wish me well two months into my blog and to say a brief hello and Happy Thanksgiving to you, my lovely readers, a very dear and special friend has dropped by briefly...

Happy Thanksgiving to you, Anderson!

and Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Finally... Here is Candidate Number Two

2005-11-22T01:18:00.000-05:00

So the post you've all been waiting for -- Candidate Number Two in the Great Hypnablogic Poster Boy Search of 2005!

I present for your consideration and viewing pleasure, dear readers, the astonishing, incredible, even impossible beauty of Oliver Bjerrehuus:

Have you ever seen such a beautiful face on a man in all your life? No?? I didn't think so. I felt the same way the first time I saw this ad in a Rolling Stone I was flipping through while standing in line or something. I don't remember. I just remember I somehow ended up flipping through Rolling Stone and saw this ad and was stunned. STUNNED! Oh, so gorgeous. So amazingly, stunningly gorgeous! At the time I didn't buy that copy of Rolling Stone because who the hell reads Rolling Stone these days? Anyway, that face, that perfect, flawless, exquisite face haunted me... for days... Until I finally decided to buy a goddamn copy of Rolling Stone just for that ad.

Except when I went to buy the copy of Rolling Stone it was a new issue and that ad wasn't in there! I was so pissed. So what's an OGRB to do? Order a back issue online of the previous issue with the ad, right? Wrong. Well, not totally wrong. I did just that, but fucking Rolling Stone never sent me the magazine I paid for. Which reminds me. I need to take a moment here.

Fuck off Rolling Stone! One, because you owe me money. Two, because you're pointless, irrelevant and a has been. Why are still around? You're like the Saturday Night Live of print media. And three, you owe me money.

But back to Oliver. So I tried to let it go and move on. Well, not until I went to Borders and flipped through every vanity magazine I could think of to try and find that ad, but still. I did eventually give up.

So fast forward some unknown, unremembered period of time. I' m sitting around one day, bored and what have you, and decided to kill my time by doing what every OGRB does when bored. I googled "hot men" or "sexy men" or "cute guys" or "male models" or whatever. Anyway, I kept coming across this one particular model who caught my attention. Eventually I realized it was the same model. You can't always tell, some models look vaguely different from one photo shoot to the next. And then I realized said model's name was Oliver Bjerrehuus. And so I googled him and eventually found that not only was he good looking as all hell, I eventually found the ad above on some site or another and realized it was him, the single most beautiful man I've ever, ever seen!

I know, I know, I keep using the word "beautiful" over and over, but if ever a man could be described as "beautiful" that man is Oliver Bjerrehuus. Furthermore, Oliver has a pretty incredible body, too. And since I gave Matt Damon the chance to strut his stuff, I should do the same for Oliver. Hence, I present his entry in what we might think of as the equivalent of the swimsuit competition:

So what flaws could Oliver possibly have? Well, dear readers, in the interests of fairness I believe it's important that we discuss openly and honestly any potential obstacles a candidate my face, because this is no small task, choosing the Official Hypnablogic Poster Boy. And here is the problem with Oliver.

Here is what I know about Oliver Bjerrehuus. He is a Danish model and actor. By actor, I mean IMDB lists exactly two films for Oliver. Both are Danish films, and one has yet to be released. I don't even know if one could obtain a copy of either film, you know, outside of Denmark!!! And while I have a long list of languages I'd like to learn in my lifetime, Danish has never been on that list. And what else do I know about Oliver? Aboslutely, positively nothing. In fact, if we're being entirely honest, I'm not even sure how to pronounce his last name! Nope, no fucking clue, so don't ask. And that, dear readers, is the obstacle which faces Oliver in his quest to become the Hypnablogic Poster Boy.

In my previous post, when I was detailing the requirements to be considered as a possible candidate I mentioned that I threw out both the Carlson Twins and the Brewer Twins. And furthermore, I was considering all four of them as a single entry. And I threw them out precisely because there was nothing of interest to say about them.

So what about Oliver? Is there anything interesting to say about him? Does he have what it takes to sustain my interest and your interest, dear readers, over the long haul? Still, he did make the final cut to become a candidate if only for that face -- oh, God, that exquisite face! I hope the Brewer Twins and the Carlson Twins don't take it too personally, but sorry boys, even all four of you combined don't add up to an Oliver Bjerrehuus in my book.

All right. One final point before I close out this post. Another obstacle for Oliver is that in all honesty -- despite being a model -- there just aren't that many pics of him floating around the interent. Pity that. Especially because I'm about to use up a third pic just for the purposes of this post. So that already eliminates three of his best pics from future use on the blog, because incredibly beautiful as he is, I just can't see using the same pic ad nauseum. But, I did set a precedent with Matt because I gave him three pics, so three pics for Oliver it is as well. As an added bonus in this pic, you get to see his cute, little bum! I hope Matt doesn't get upset that I didn't include a bum pic for him, too!

Submissions Requested

2005-11-22T00:39:00.000-05:00

OK, so Lee asks a couple of questions that are important points to address in the Great Hypnablogic Poster Boy Search of 2005. First, she asks what other famous, gorgeous men with whom I've had a thing in the past. Second, and of equal importance, she asks what are the guidelines an interested applicant must meet in order to be considered for a Poster Boy candidate.

To address the first point, I will try and give a little backstory to my relationship with each of the candidates because I think this is important to consider when the voting comes around. But suffice it to say only Anderson and Matt have been serious long term relationships for me. That's not to say I haven't had my flings, and you'll soon be meeting a couple of them, but they are all relative newcomers for me. Where those flings go from here, only time will tell. And remember, dear readers, you will have your chance to weigh in on that very matter soon. Soon, my little pretties, soon.

To address the second point, there are a few requirements and oligations which a Hypnablogic Poster Boy will need to be able to fulfill.

Poster Boy will need to fulfill two primary functions:

Function One is to provide me with adequate distraction from Anderson during this difficult time of transition as we both explore our options. On the one hand, this is an impossbly tall order to fill. On the other hand, a good, devoted and decidedly limber BoyToy should be able to help a lot.

Function Two is to provide content for my blog. See, that's what makes him the Official Hypnablogic Poster Boy. He should be interesting and photogenic enough to provide both visual and mental stimulation. In other words, he needs to be a muse of sorts, if you will. Also a tall order to fill.

So, all of this leads to a few qualifications we should all keep in mind: looks are key here. I hate to be shallow, but seriously a BoyToy and a Blog SpokesModel are two functions that just beg for stellar good looks. And our boy has to be both of these things.

A good body is not absolutely essential but a nice bonus, as is a willingness to flash some skin once in a while if said PosterBoy does have a good body.

Furthermore, a reasonably decent career history or potential is important. For example, I thought about including both the Brewer Twins and the Carlson Twins as one single entry (I decided why pick one twin over the other. In fact, why pick one pair of twins over the other). I ended up throwing them out pretty early on, though, because besides the fact that they're pretty to look at, what else can you really say about them?

So these are just a few things to keep in mind.

On that note, might I encourage submissions for potential candidates? I have Candidate Two and Candidate Three locked up, but I'm still deciding on others. I think five candidates is a good number to shoot for. I have a list of other potential candidates, but I'm having a hard time deciding if they should make the final cut or not. So I'm open to suggestions for Candidate Four (although I have an idea on this one) and Candidate Five.

On that note, I have been diligently researching to try and find good candidates. I encourage you to do some research as well. Might I recommend the following sites for conducting research?

http://www.mostbeautifulman.com/

http://www.gaywired.com/scene/archive.cfm

And this next one is a little more... revealing. Plus you have to register, but it's free registration. And if you're worried, just use your supersecret Yahoo e-mail identity that you use for such purposes. Oh, don't act like you don't have one, too. We all do, and you're fooling no one if you claim otherwise! Also, there are fewer celebrities on this one, but still enough for you to conduct, uh, research.

http://www.studbank.com/

Don't worry. While that last site may, in fact, be R-rated, it's not XXX-rated.

As an aside, if you do want XXX-rated you can check a website that was recommended to me by one of my commenters! No, I'm not going to link to those comments. You'll just have to search the archives until you find it. And don't you dare go back and delete the comment you left! You know who you are! I intentionally didn't link to it so as not to embarrass you, but I swear if you go delete your comment I will. I'll out you as the closet porn fiend you are!!!

First Things First...

2005-11-22T00:19:00.000-05:00

We interrupt the The Great 2005 Search for the Hypnablogic Poster Boy to clear up a few things.

First of all, no fears my friends. I will not stop posting about Anderson Cooper altogether. Indeed, I think I said before and I'll say it again here, I am certain I will post about him again. And I know I detailed this all before, so let me think here how to re-cap.

See, here's the thing. Anderson will never be gone from my life entirely. After all he's... The One. He always has been and he always will be. And can I get serious with you for a minute here? Sometimes, even when you've met The One, and you know you've met The One, it just doesn't always work out as planned. I think you all know what I'm saying. I think we've all been there...

Basically it was a mutual decision. As I said Anderson needs room to grow. And he needs his mental space right now because he's feverishly trying to get his book written. I need room to grow. And I'm feverishly trying to get my blog written. It only made sense for us to create some space for each other.

Also, as I said before, if Anderson decides he is ready to have a serious discussion and rethink the direction of things, I'll be here when that time comes.

So don't worry, there will be more Anderson posts again, I'm sure of it. Just not quite as often.

Which leads me to another point I want to make, but I'll save that for my next post...

Candidate Number One!

2005-11-20T22:29:00.000-05:00

Shit! Note to self and others: Hit Save every so often! Damnit!

OK, so back to the post that was nearly complete just seconds ago that now has to be rewritten.

First of all, sorry about that previous post. I just wanted to write a cute little post about needing to find content other than Anderson Cooper. Didn’t mean to get all overwrought about the whole thing.

But anyway, on with the Great Hypnablogic Poster Boy Search of 2005!

But first, can I have a moment? No, you say? Yeah, will piss off, I'm going to anyway. I just finished my shitty Chinese takeout dinner consisting of General Tso’s tofu, greasy fried rice and a couple of crab rangoons. It was one of their dinner specials. But what I want to know is, how come when you go into Chinese takeout places the employees on dinner break always have fucking fabulous looking food that looks all fresh, healthy and tasty? That shit’s not on the menu! I know, I could just point and ask, but that feels so rude and invasive. So I always just get stuck with a plate ful of grease.

But back to the Great Hypnablogic Poster Boy Search of 2005! I present to you Candidate Number One!

For Candidate Number One I went with the obvious choice. See, Matt Damon was my very first non-Anderson celebrity crush. In fact, in keeping true to form – I like to pick ‘em out while they’re still fresh and underexposed – I called dibs on Matt when he was in that shitty military movie with Meg Ryan. Even then I thought he was hot, even though he was undernourished by design for that movie. And I’ll be damned if he didn’t explode like crazy onto the Hollywood scene after that.

Also, to his credit, the pic above is from the same People Magazine Sexiest Men website photo gallery as You Know Who. In fact, as I was clicking through Matt was number 11, You Know Who was number 13. I guess somebody had to be number 13. Anyway, in some kind of circle of life type shit, that left them separated by one interloper -- who happened to be Denis Leary. Which leaves me asking WTF?! Denis Leary? I had no idea whatsoever in all my wildest mental meanderings that Denis Leary was supposed to be sexy. To think I would never have known if People Magazine hadn’t told me it was so. But back to the point, which is that Matt has street cred and shouldn’t the fact that he was in the same Sexiest Men photo gallery as the very one who prompted this whole manhunt actually count for something?

Keep in mind, dear readers, you’ll have the opportunity to consider potential Hypnablogic Poster Boys for a few posts to come and in the end I’m hoping there will actually be an official blogpoll of some sort. So don’t make a hasty decision just yet. But to help you out, here are some points to consider regarding Matt Damon as your (and my) new Hypnablogic Poster Boy.

1) He’s a Boston boy (well, actually Newton and Cambridge, but who’s splitting hairs?) so we’d have that much in common. Boston Common it would be. Get it? Boston Common? Well, I guess you wouldn’t unless you were familiar with Boston and its Common, but trust in your favorite OGRB; it’s clever and funny and that’s all you need to know.

2) He went to Harvard. If I’m giving up on one Ivy League boy, why not replace him with another? Oh, I don’t think Matt ever graduated, but we can overlook that for our purposes.

3) He has a nice enough body. I actually tried to find a decent picture of said body, but couldn’t find one I liked. I swear it used to be easier to find hot pics of Matt Damon back in the day. Anyway, I’ll just use this one, which is sufficient to make a point. (If you find a better body pic and feel it's absolutely critical that readers see it for the purposes of making an informed decision about which Hypnablogic Poster Boy Candidate to choose, send it on and I'll append it to this post.)

5) He’s not only an actor, but he won the Oscar and everything for co-writing Good Will Hunting.

6) Finally, Matt and I have a history. Now here’s what you have to ask yourselves, dear readers, is that a good thing or a bad thing? See, Matt and I, we were hot and heavy back in the day. Somewhere along the way, though, the magic faded. It just hasn’t been the same since. Oh, I still think he’s hot and all... but it’s just not what it once was, back in those heady days of his early smashing success. What happened between us, Matt? Oh, whatever did happen?

So keep that in mind. Do we still have a chance? Or is it just that we’ve both grown older and more mature, but in different directions? Maybe the amazing rush of newly minted stardom is what kept us going in those early days and now that that glue no longer binds us…

Oh, well what the hell. I’m willing to consider another go at it if my readers think it’s what’s best.

Can I take one more moment? I have to say I love, love, love Deee-lite! I go through phases where I forget about them entirely, but I always "re"discover them eventually. And, here's my tipoff for the evening, boys and girls: You want funky, fun and fabulous with a kickass groove? Deee-lite, boys and girls. Oh, Deee-lite!

Anyway, back to Matt Damon. Here’s a final pic to ponder on. It’s not the best pic of him I’ve ever seen, but what’s nice about it is that it’s much like fantasies I used to have about him. Except in those fantasies the hands were actually tied to the bed, and he was, you know, naked.

Cause Andy You're a Star...

2005-11-20T18:38:00.000-05:00

Well, dear readers, I have done much, much thinking today. I have come to some painful conclusions. You may have noticed this blog has gone in a direction -- a direction I never intended when I first signed up to start a blog. You see, I am facing the painful realization that I spend way too much time talking about Anderson Cooper.

It's true, I mentioned him starting with my inaugural post lo those many, many -- well, two. Lo, those two months ago. Indeed, almost two months to the day I just realized. But nevermind that. Still, in that post, Anderson Cooper was but a fleeting reference. And at the time I certainly never intended for him to become the single source of content for this blog. Since then, however, things have devolved into all Anderson all the time around here. And as I have mentioned before, such blogs already exist, much better suited to the task, and there is hardly need for another. I am also thankful, dear readers, that those other blogs have thus far not complained about this. I'm grateful for that, given that I often egregiously pifler content directly from them. But anyway, the point of all of this is that I have decided it is time to move on.

This is sad and painful for me. I would like to state here for the record that Anderson and I go way back. Way, way back to the very beginning of his entrée into the world of journalism as a fledgling reporter for Channel One. Oh, those days... Those days are long behind us now, aye, they are.

I have never mentioned this before, but Anderson was a serious influence on my life at such an impressionable young age. I used to watch him there on Channel One -- at the time painfully serious, always with a look in his eyes suggesting he was trying very hard to see far into the distance -- and I wanted to be like him, this souful, young reporter risking his life in war zones. At the time, I watched him during the crisis in Somalia and in the then rapidly disintegrating Yugoslavia. Do you remember Yugoslavia, kids? Well, it doesn't matter. Yugoslvia, like those youthful days of AnderLove, is long gone by now. Yes, Anderson, I have been with you since the beginning. Don't you remember? Surely you remember. If the Killers had been around in the early '90s they could've been singing on my behalf:

Cause Andy you're a star
in nobody's eyes but mine.

Anyway, I wanted to be a foreign correspondent. All because of Anderson Cooper. I went to college, enrolled in journalism as a major and was on my way. By the second year I decided I hated everything having to do with journalism and got the hell out. At the time they had made us subscribe to Newsweek to keep up with current events. A few short weeks after I finally pulled the plug on my journalism career Newsweek carried a brief, almost insignificant blurb about a young, up-and-coming reporter at ABC News. It described him thus:

Anderson Cooper is in the tradition of old CBS war correspondents, literate, serious, bold. He's 27, with the ardent, wary look of a Gap model.

That was also the first I learned of his being the son of Gloria Vanderbilt and Wyatt Cooper. In fact it was the first I learned anything about him at all apart from watching him report from war zones. I cut that out, along with his picture, and have saved it all these years.

But it is no longer the early '90s. And since then, Anderson Cooper has grown to become the star I and Newsweek so long ago predicted he would some day be. He now has his own show, legions of fans, whole websites and blogs written about him... It's a very different era now.

Well, I got away from myself there. All of that is really only to say that Anderson and I go way, way back...

But this is the point. The point is, when I started this blog, it wasn't ever supposed to be all about Anderson. How it became that, I don't know. But I realize I have to let Anderson Cooper have his room to grow. And I need to give myself room to do the same. I don't vow to never mention Anderson Cooper again. I'm sure I will. But I do need to explore other options. We're at a crossroads in our relationship, Anderson and I, and we both need to do some thinking about where to go from here.

So, Anderson, this pains me, but it is time we examine our lives and see where we will go from here. Don't get me wrong. I will always be here for you. Drop me a line whenever you want, and I will be here. But in the meantime I'll leave you to your newer fans, to your websites about you, and I will leave blogging about you to the AnderBlogging experts. We are no longer the same people. I hope your new fans love how you are now. You don't look so much like you're straining to see far into the distance as you once did. I like to believe you've found... a more comfortable stride in life...

But where does that leave me, friends? I am on a search now. Yes, I'm on a search and I need your help. Clearly I need a new man. Someone I can post my thoughts about, someone I can post pictures of, someone to be there for me when me and my blog need him. But who? Who will this new man be? Stay tuned for upcoming posts as I explore potential candidates. Feel free to send in thoughts or suggestions, because once I have vetted to top candidates I will probably post a blog poll and let my readers help me decide who will be the new Hypnablogic Poster Boy.

But don't worry, Anderson. They'll never mean to me what you have all these years...

How I wish I could post for you the picture from the Newsweek article, but I don't have a scanner and it's faded after so many years and the colors are bleached. However, it looks very much like this:

I'm Not Just Cheap... I'm Worthless!

2005-11-19T23:57:00.000-05:00

So, taking the previous quiz reminded me of another quiz I once took.

I am worth $1,559,740 on HumanForSale.com

Apparently this is a shit price for a human, if you check the going rates. Also, I'm a bit offended that they actually deduct money for being gay. Clearly, this quiz was written by straight people, so bear as much in mind should you take the test. Take that as you wish...

So, given my own low price, I should've left well-enough alone, right? But, has OGRB ever left well enough alone when he should have? If you'll remember, I once sent my ex-roommate a long, rambling, nonsensical and in retrospect highly embarrassing e-mail. Furthermore, I once called someone the Clown Porn Queen. And... well, point being, I just don't know when to let something go when I should.

So, out of curiosity, I decided to take the quiz again to see how much a certain silver-haired someone might be worth. Who might that be? I said I wouldn't mention him. But wait. My previous post didn't mention him. So that clearly means I've got a clean slate to work with, right? So, yes, I can mention him, right? So, yes, I'm going to do it. I'm going to write yet another post about...

Anderson Cooper!

And if you don't like it, might I recommend to you taking some university-level correspondence courses offered by that esteemed institution of higher learning, FU!

Now, bear in mind I had to do some guesswork while taking the quiz on behalf of everyone's favorite hunk o' man flesh. For example, I don't know how many cavities he has, what his exact IQ is, nor his shoe size. I also don't even know if he's right handed or left handed I realized.

Furthermore, a little disclaimer. I might have been just maybe just a little generous in giving him the benefit of the doubt on certain questions. For example, the quiz wanted to know how big his, um... well, his you know, uh... SAT score was. Now, I don't know the answer to that. Honestly, I don't. Even if I did, I would never reveal to the world the size of his... you know, SAT score. So I had to guess. I didn't give him the biggest... I mean the absolute most generous, uh... SAT score. But let's just say I certainly didn't give Anderson cause to feel inadequate in the locker -- er, the you know, on the admissions application.

Anyway, so on with the results right? Well, first of all be prepared to be stunned, but not stunned in a good way. Stunned in a bad way. Stunned in a pissed off way. Stunned in a go-fuck-yourself-you-idiotic-clearly-inept-human-valuation-website kind of way. How much does stupid, worthless, idotic http://www.humanforsale.com/ think our boy is worth?

$2,789,870

That's right. Only $2.7 million!! My God, between his apartment sale and his book deal he's worth more than that! As I said, clearly, this test was written by straight people. Be ashamed, my breeder friends, be very, very ashamed for your kind.

As an interesting addendum to all of this, they didn't give the option of "silver" for hair color. They only gave the option of "gray." And guess what? They deducted points from Anderson Cooper for his hair color. Did you catch that? They deducted points for his hair color! Clearly not only was the quiz written by straight people, it was written by worthless asshole straight people who haven't ever watched CNN or read People magazine.

All right... I'm off to retake the quiz and tweak a few things so I can up our man's value. I encourage you to do the same. Guess it looks like I'm going to have to just jump out there and give him the biggest, honkingest, most massive... uh, SAT score the world has ever seen!!! Then I bet we'll be talking some megapoints.

And you know what? You can take Anderson Cooper's soon to be 400-foot long MegaSuperSized SAT score right up your hetero virgin asses you humanforsale.com bitches!

_____________

EDIT: I managed to get it up (no pun intended) to $3,959,990. True, I gave him a Ph.D, a 200 IQ, excellent artistic ability, and, of course, a huge SAT score. But at least I got him another million dollars. I could've probably broken the $4 million mark, but to do that I believe I would have to change his hair color from "gray." And despite what Blogthings thinks, per my previous post, I will not, will not, will not, not now, not ever sell him out on his hair color!!!

I'm a Cheapass Mofo

2005-11-19T23:40:00.000-05:00

I'm a cheapass Mofo! First of all, I am because I'm too tired to think of anything worth posting, so I'm just going to do one of those hokey blog quizzes. However, I did promise something unrelated to men with silver hair and perfectly scultped arms.

I'm also a cheapass Mofo because apparently, well, I would sell out cheap.

On Average, You Would Sell Out For

$183,803

At What Price Would You Sell Out?

Sadly, on a very obliquely related note, I didn't win the $315 million lottery I was counting on. That's a pisser! You'd think I would've at least won the $183,803.

Anyone got $183,803 they're willing to buy me out for? I could sure use it. But, according to this quiz, don't be offering me any kind of $183,802.99, because that shit won't fly!

I'm actually disappointed by this. I always thought I'd shoot for a cool million, at least. What the hell do I know? Apparently not as much as blogthings.com. Blogthings.com -- they know all.

Congratulations to Anderson Cooper Corner!

2005-11-18T22:40:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone! Congratulations to Lee, especially and also to Christian and Lisa at the Anderson Cooper Corner for the successful transition from the old coo-coo-corner.blogspot.com to a new, shiny url:

http://andersoncooperblog.blogspot.com/

I hear the launch party was a smashing success and Anderson was thrilled to host the event! Too bad I couldn't make it, but maybe next get together.

Of course, I will always have a kind of nostalgia for coo-coo-corner. I even went there and it was still up for a little bit and I was happy because I thought I could come back and visit whenever I wanted for old times sake. But, alas, it is now gone. *sigh* Bye-bye coo-coo-corner.

And one more thing, yes, I know, I need to get original material. I promise tomorrow I'll try and write something that has nothing to do with either Anderson Cooper or ACC.

But let's focus on the positive here. So if you're tired of me ripping off other peoples' content, then click the link above and congratulate Lee and her ACC team!

P.S. I promise to update my blogroll, but remember, I use stupid, fricking blogrolling.com which takes forever to update. Hence the reason I felt inclined to feature the link in the biggest font possible and centered up above! So use that link and not my blogroll for now.

P.P.S. Primarily to Lee who asked "why you sidebar all jacked up?!" You will notice on this post, for example, that the url doesn't wrap, and extends over into the sidebar a little bit. That's what causes the jackage, as it were. So sorry about that. As soon as I publish enough posts, this one and the other one that caused it (regarding my pumpkin disaster) will drop off the main page and only those pages in the archive will be jacked up going forward. Unless I overextend again...

Sunshine on a Rainy Day

2005-11-16T23:36:00.000-05:00

A couple of quick things:

1) Sorry for the random, cryptic, vaguely depressing post just moments ago.

2) To counteract that, I'd like to end my day and yours with a little bit of happiness, so hence the Anderson post. Incidentally, regarding the title of this post it is literally raining out right now. And the picture does appear to be on a sunny day.

3) Yes, I know I posted the same picture twice. I agonized over whether to put the picture first and start this post strong, or put the picture last and let you be rewarded for the punishing task of putting up with what I've written by being able to end by swooning over People magazine's officially declared sexy man Anderson Cooper. I decided the way to solve this dilemma is to just post the picture both at the beginning and at the end. But, you say, that's the dumbest idea of ever heard, OGRB! Yeah, well, it's my blog so fuck off, you! Get your own goddamn blog if you want to govern such editorial decisions.

4) Credit to ACC for the original post. I feel like such an evil blogger. First I steal their post, and now I'm going to whore myself out for comments for said stolen post. Actually, that's not entirely true. As it turns out, ACC turned off comments in anticipation of the upcoming URL changeover. In fact, that's the whole inspiration for my (stolen) post. See, I saw the picture, scanned the post but went back to the preceding posts I hadn't read yet. When I initially saw the People Sexiest Man issue post about Anderson I knew I had to comment. But lo and behold, I soon learned I would not be able to. Nor would anybody else be able to, I realized. And what a pity, because if ever there were an Anderson post and/or pic that called for comments then this would be it! So for all of you who are aching to register your two cents worth, get to it in my comments section! See, I really had everyone's best interests at heart. Furthermore, need I remind you I am decidedly not G-rated? So you can say anything and everything your little hearts desire. Unless it's Anti-Anderson, in which case I may have to smackdown on your ass. One, because how can you say anything anti-Anderson in light of this pic??? And two, I've always wanted to smackdown on my blog. The ACC folks get to have all the smackdown fun, and I'm jealous. So yeah, post the most inappropriate, lascivious and nasty comments you can. Because one, you can here, and two, because if you say the right things I'll get to smackdown on your ass and everything, which will be exciting for us all!

5) So here is what I can't help but notice. I guess I'd just taken it for granted that Anderson was vaguely skinny, because I'd only ever seen him in suits or otherwise obscuring clothing, and also because that's how he's always described himself. But, ahem, may I direct your attention to the arms? Oh, God! The arms! My friends, dear readers, Anderson-loving compatriots, please note the arms. Those are not the arms of a skinny boy. Oh, my motherfucking God no they aren't! Those are the arms of a lean, sleekly well-muscled boy-o-delicious-delightful-wonder. Those arms say something. Do you know what those arms say? Those arms say "Hey, I'm Anderson Cooper, and under these clothes I have just the right muscle tone to give you plenty of perfectly defined masculine lines, angles and curves for you to trace with your tongue!" Those are the arms of an exactly, perfectly porportioned body designed to send OGRB into a sinfully ecstatic place in his mind from which he may never return. See, boys and girls, listen up, it's lesson time. You know the beefy bodybuilder type? No. That's all kinds of wrong. And you know the Abercrombie and Fitch leaner, but still chiseled type? Well, that's better. Much, much better. But you know what really gets OGRB going, boys and girls? A lean, sleek build that's understated, but is actually much sexier. See in the right kind of guy you get an effect you just can't get even in the A&F type. With the right kind of guy the muscles are defined just so in such a way that when the guy moves the muscles ripple subtly under the flesh like waves from a gentle breeze blowing across the ocean's surface. There's just nothing quite like that level of definition my friends. And as it turns out, this is exactly what we have here in Anderson, i.e. the perfect specimen. Can I really tell all that from the arms alone? Oh, God, yes I can. Believe me, if I know about anything I know about my masculine muscle definition. I should have a freaking Ph.D. in sexy men, already! So now we behold the truth, the exquisite, painfully delectable, mind-blowingly stunning truth of Anderson Cooper's hot, sexy, perfectly sculpted body. Again, I say... the arms. You can see it all in the arms.

6) Um, any other pictures out there like this? You know, a nice form-fitting, short-sleeved arms-flashing shirt type pics? Do pass them on if you know of any!

7) See, now that you've sat and read through all this, you'll soon thank me for my grand insight of both beginning and ending the post with the picture in question.

8) Would it be inappropriate for the Anderson Cooper Anti-Defamation Alliance to target Anderson himself? I'm thinking of picketing and protesting and demanding that he never describe himself as "skinny" again, but rather something like "sleek, sexy, perfectly defined hunk o' masculine goodness" I'm getting ready to post the People website blurb where he describes himself as skinny. Try the substituion there and see how it works for you.

9) The arms, baby! OH -- MY -- GOD -- THE -- ARMS!

10) And here is the blurb from the People website:

"I am pale and skinny with gray hair," says the host of Anderson Cooper 360º. "I don't get the appeal." But his viewers do. Anderson, 38, is CNN's "Man of the Hour," and his riveting coverage of Hurricane Katrina helped propel his program into a coveted prime-time spot. "I am haunted by people I have met, stories I have told, places I have been. I am changed by all the stories I do."

Two Roads Diverged in a Yellow Wood...

2005-11-16T23:31:00.000-05:00

The Bible says:

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

Robert Frost says:

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

And I say:

Yes. Today I put away childish things. And I chose the road less traveled by. So in the end that should make all the difference, right? But will that be a difference for the good? Or will it be a difference for the very, very worst? Alas, I will never know...

Son of a Preacher Man...

2005-11-15T23:50:00.000-05:00

I know I said I would have something to say today... but I lied!!! I guess I'm going to Blogger hell.

I'm too tired to blog. Also, I want to avoid emotions at all cost right now. No depression, no anger, no feelings at all. Too much!

So on that note, I sit down to dash off a quick blog post because, well, a dull, pointless post is still better than no post at all, right? Don't answer that. If you value your life, don't answer that! Anyway, and I think to myself, "You know, OGRB, I'd sure like to hear some music about now. Pick me something out to make me happy. " That's actually harder than it sounds.

Let's see what we've got trayed up on the hard drive, shall we?

80s alternative? Cute. Quirky. But takes a little more investment than I can afford right now.

10,000 Maniacs? Too thinky right now.

Something 50s or 60s? No, that takes a whole mood unto itself. Too eerily creepy right now. Sorry Fleetwoods. Sorry Roy Orbison. Buddy Holly, Sam Cooke, you're out too.

White Stripes? Franz Ferdinand? Too intense right now. Something a little more mellow, please.

Edith Piaf? Definitely, definitely too much of a mood thing for my energy level at the moment.

Leonard Cohen? Same thing, really.

A handful of electronic tracks the likes of which I can't really distinguish? Too trendy coffeehouse.

Elton John. Wait, Elton John? Why do I even have that? I don't fucking like Elton John! No, Christian, not even "Tiny Dancer".

Jefferson Airplane? Now I know I've been known to claim that if I had to be a woman I would be Grace Slick solely so I could sing the song "White Rabbit" but that's far too much drama right now!

Dusty Springfield... Dusty Springfield... Hm. Son of a Preacher Man! Mellow, fun, sexy, not too much to think about. Perfect!

In fact, the only thing this song makes me think about is how much I wish I could meet a hot preacher's son, because I've always thought that would be sexy just because of this song. Like that little red-haired boy I used to see at the clubs. Ohhhh, the redhaired boy. He's such the right kind of sexy for this song, too. I bet he could reach me and teach me all right. Oh, I bet he could.

I'm off to bed now to drift off to sleep thinking about preacher's sons and little redhaired boys. But that's all I'll do is think about them as I drift off to sleep. Because I'm too tired to do anymore than that tonight...

So I leave you with this question, dear readers. Are there any songs that get your imaginations going?

Scrapbookblogging - 02189

2005-11-15T00:24:00.000-05:00

I apologize. This post has no point to anyone except me. It has, therefore, even less of a point than my previous post thanking Lee for the StatCounter tipoff. I'm sure I will have more to say tomorrow. But for now, forgive me and indulge me. I revert to my version of blog scrapbooking.

If you take the Red Line on the subway (here known as "the T") going south out of Boston you will eventually arrive at Quincy Center. If you then exit at Quincy Center and board the 222 bus, it will take you to Jackson Square in East Weymouth. That is what I did today, November 14, 2005. This is not the ideal picture of Jackson Square for my purposes, but I did not take my camera, so I am dependent upon Google for these images.

And if you do all of this, as I did today, you will be able to walk a short distance down Commercial Street to the corner of Grant Street where sits a lovely two-story house built in 1848. There is a little wooden plaque affixed to the corner of the house naming the builder and first occupant and the date the house was built. Also, if you are standing facing the house and look to the left of the door and then up to the pair of windows on the second story you will see the windows to the very first room in which I slept in Massachusetts when I arrived here in 2001.

Sadly, neither on your way to see the house nor on your way back from seeing it will you pass the tiny, dingy little building housing the Chinese take-out restaurant where I ate my first meal in Massachusetts. That building has been torn down and no trace of it remains to be seen.

As a point of historical interest, if you take the 222 bus going either direction you will pass the birthplace of Abigail Smith, later to be Abigail Adams, wife of John Adams the first U.S. Vice-President and second U.S. President. That is the second picture I have posted above.

Thanks to Lee for StatCounter!

2005-11-15T00:07:00.000-05:00

So do you remember my plea for a free alternative to SiteMeter? Well, you might have gotten lost in all the disclaimers I had to make.

Turns out Lee at Anderson Cooper Corner had the answer all along. The answer is StatCounter!

I love it! It shows me how many visitors I have, how people have found me and some other statistics that I don't pay so much attention to. I'm really just interested to know that I have tens of visits on a given day -- which, pitiful as that is, is still far more than I ever expected to have -- and that of those tens of people all but two or three are actually looking for something entirely different. That much I did expect. But still, it's a fun little toy to have. I highly recommend it. Best of all it's free!

So really, this post has no point except to say:

Thank You Lee!

The Holidays Are Coming!

2005-11-13T18:51:00.000-05:00

As you know, the holiday season is upon us. This means presents! More specifically it means presents for me!

I have heard of blog readers buying token gifts for their favorite blogger. As well, I would like to remind you I have never used ads to generate revenue, nor have I asked you to make monetary donations of any kind to support the running of my blog.

I hope to keep my blog free of cost to my readers. However, I am not averse to my beloved readers expressing their deep appreciation for me through the giving of gifts at the holiday season.

For that reason -- and the fact that I have no ideas for posts at the moment -- I present you with gift-giving options for your favorite Outré Gay Rock Blogger!

Every blogger needs a place that they and their computer can call home. And the better the accommodations, the better the blogging experience will be for you, my dear readers. Therefore, might I recommend buying me a penthouse overlooking Central Park in Manhattan.

If that’s too grand, any living quarters in Manhattan valued at $1 million or more would be acceptable to me.

If you wish to purchase housing for me in another city, alternative locations I would consider include Barcelona, London and Paris. Other cities are not out of the question, but we will need to negotiate that before I can accept your offer. If you prefer your favorite blogger to live outside of a city, a villa is something to keep in mind.

Furthermore, should more than one of you wish to purchase me housing, summer homes are also a possibility.

A blogger needs adequate rest to stay mentally focused for blogging. Thus, sheets from Anichini or Frette would be good. I also hear Sferra Brothers make an acceptable product, but I’m not as familiar with them.

A Stearns & Foster Andalucia Mattress to go with the sheets is also a gift that says I love you, OGRB!

All bloggers need to eat. Dean & Deluca is a good place to start shopping for your favorite blogger.

The more worldly experiences a blogger has, the more interesting blog posts will be to read. Therefore, an excellent gift for me and ultimately for you (because I promise to blog all about it) would be an all expense paid trip to one of the following – Spain, Italy, Thailand or Japan.

If the above are too pricey for you, also consider an all expense paid trip to Norman, Oklahoma to eat a Pepe Delgado’s Burrito Loco.
(You may laugh at this last one, but truly, a Burrito Loco from Pepe Delagdo’s is easily among the finest experiences in life, and almost certainly the best burrito the world has to offer)

On a practical note, you can also pay for all moving expenses should I decide to move – I prefer a moving company that does it all -- packs, loads, ships and unloads. But in lieu of that I’ll take a U-Haul.

If you want to give me a gift by which to remember you always, a Rolex would be good. Patek Philippe would be better. Then, every time I checked my watch to see if it was time to post again, I would think of you.

Finally, there is always cash. Cash is an excellent choice if you have a hard time deciding on any of the above.

If you have additional ideas, please let me know. These are merely to get you started.

Have fun shopping!

The Horror! The Horror!

2005-11-11T22:59:00.000-05:00

Do you remember my recent post on Halloween, October 31, 2005 about my perfect day? You know, this post? Do you remember what a good day that was for me? Do you remember how happy and blissful I was, albeit in a wistful, heavy-hearted kind of way?

Do you also remember that a lone pumpkin was sitting quietly on the porch proclaiming the glory of autumn and that I loved that pumpkin? I'll remind you. I wrote this:

I walked across the porch and saw someone had put a pumpkin on the railing. This made me immensely happy, because it was Halloween and I loved that pumpkin as if it were a close friend. I know that sounds odd and goofy, but I did. I even reached out and touched the pumpkin to let it know how much I loved it for being there.

Yes, well, that pumpkin has been greeting me ever since. I see it when I leave the house. I greet it when I come home. I love that pumpkin. It reminds me of that day and how happy I was.

Or I... DID love that pumpkin. That pumpkin... It's dead now. Dead and murdered in cold blood!!!!!

Behold! The! Horror!!!

Yes, dear readers, this is what I saw tonight. I spent a nice, quiet evening having a pleasant little time of it. Then I decided to run to the store downstairs before it closed. I was in a hurry so I didn't even notice the pumpkin was missing. It was only when I turned the corner and saw the carnage we have now all witnessed that I put two and two together. Or I should say, before I put one pumpkin half and one pumpkin half together.

I turned the corner and saw that first image. And then a few steps away, the second image. Someone, some worthless, spineless, evil fucker murdered my pumpkin!!!!

Not only that, but they did it in the worst possible way. They split it in half and left it only feet from where it sat innocently and quietly moments before. Did they hurl it to the ground? Did they SLICE it?! What?! What??!! What???!!! How do you split an innocent pumpkin in half and leave it lying on the ground like castoff garbage?!?!?!

What was there left to do? I ran upstairs and grabbed my camera to capture the carnage for all to see the evil handiwork of these brutish fiends. And then I quietly, solemnly picked up the two pumpkin halves and carried them to sit on the ledge of our garden and await their disposal. I couldn't bear to see the pumpkin halves swept away or kicked to pieces by casual passers-by who won't ever know what that pumpkin meant to me. I couldn't make the pumpkin whole again. But at least I could put the two halves next to each other so they could try and find some kind of dignified peace together in the wake of the tragic, untimely death.

I want you to look closely and see how fresh and healthy that pumpkin's inner flesh is. That was a perfectly healthy pumpkin with no sign of mush or rot. That pumpkin was in the prime of its life when it was so callously defiled and murdered.

I have this to say to whomever did this. If you're out there, if you're reading, if you recognize your hellish work know this:

There's a special place in hell for you, you goddamned, sorry, worthless, motherfucking, pumpkin-murdering assholes!!!!!! And one of these days when you die your own sorry, pathetic deaths I'll be there in that special place in hell waiting for you! OH, yes I will! Motherfuccccckkkkkkeeeeerrrrsssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_________________________________________________________________

But... I'd like to end this post on a dignified note. Fortunately, this past weekend I thought to take some pictures. And fortunately, I thought to take one of the pumpkin.

Let us all take a moment and remember the pumpkin as it should be remembered, whole, complete and in its pumpkin prime. God bless you pumpkin! God bless you! May you live on in eternity peacefully, happily and blissfully on a beautiful, loving porch railing where you will never be defiled again because you are God's pumpkin now!

Welcome, Friends from the Middle East!

2005-11-11T22:31:00.000-05:00

So I would like to welcome my friend(s) from Saudi Arabia! See the red dot right there near where, according to various maps I've studied, may be Riyadh?!

I was so excited! It was a big day for me when I discovered this because you don't see many people reading blogs from Saudi Arabia on ClustrMaps. And much less would you expect to see them here.

Now I know, there's probably some very mundane explanation. And I'm sure whomever it was found me entirely by accident, and then ran away, far far away to hide from me. And I've probably underminded Middle Eastern views of Americans to an irrecoverable low by virtue of my blog. But still. I've been visited by Saudi Arabia!

Hi Saudi Arabia!

Question For You

2005-11-10T01:23:00.000-05:00

I have a question.

But first I have a disclaimer. Do you ever say or write something and think "I hope that's not taken the wrong way because I don't want lawyers to call and threaten me with a lawsuit. Or worse yet, I don't want lawyers to call not to threaten, but to actually alert me to a lawsuit that is in the works"?

Now you might think, OGRB, you must be talking about the fact that someone very kindly came to visit your blog for the very first time today and even very kindly left comments for you on your blog and you, without knowing or having met or even interacted with this person then immediately suggested to the world at large that said person is widely known as "the Clown Porn Queen." That must be what you're talking about, and about which you plan to state your disclaimer. You might think that, but sadly, you would be wrong.

No. Actually what I'm talking about is sending e-mail to someone who, again, I've never met and don't really know and suggesting -- or, well, not suggesting, but more like blatantly stating that I was going to post awkward, embarrassing questions about them on my blog for all the world to read and comment on. Yes, that. That is what I'm talking about.

So here is my disclaimer: I do NOT -- I repeat, do NOT have the intention of publicly and maliciously humiliating anyone on my blog.

Except for, perhaps, Tim Goodman who is the Anderson Cooper naysaying poster boy.

Except now I can't do that. Because with my luck, as soon as I did so, Tim Goodman would google himself, find my post, and use this very post to prove that I actively sought to attack him and did so with malicious intent, because, well, I just used the word "maliciously" in such a way as to thoroughly implicate myself. I actually don't know if "malicious intent" is something that would be used against me, but it sounds like one of those ominous legal phrases that I should avoid like the plague.

So that, boys and girls, leads to a hitherto unintended, but now wholly necessary disclaimer:

Dear Tim Goodman, Tim Goodman's attorney(s), Tim Goodman's friends, family, employer(s), accountant(s), spiritual advisor(s), former preschool, elementary, junior high, high school, college and/or graduate school classmates and any and all other interested parties:

I fully respect and acknowledge Tim Goodman's right to hold whatever opinion he may have about Anderson Cooper. Furthermore, I fully respect and acknowledge Tim Goodman's right to voice his opinion in any manner of ways in which opinions get voiced, including the publishing of said opinions in any variety of media outlets. Furthermore, I have no intention of maliciously seeking to humiliate Tim Goodman.

As an example of something I have no intention of doing, I have no intention of constructing a blog poll asking my readers why Tim Goodman is suddenly trying to whip up a frenzy of anti-Anderson sentiment.

And because I have no intention of constructing such a poll I will not include any number of options for my readers to vote on in said poll.

I will not ask my readers to vote on an option which would in any way suggest that Tim Goodman is actually deeply attracted to Anderson Cooper and is passively-aggressively expressing said attraction via his naysaying articles in a desperate bid to garner attention from his object of desire.

I will also not ask my readers to vote on an alternative option in which I suggest that Tim Goodman is deliriously seeking a hook to up his readership and therefore manufactured an anti-Anderson posture simply to try and stand out from the crowd of current Cooper commentators.

I will not ask my readers to vote on yet another alternative option suggesting that Tim Goodman is acting out a form of journalistic penis envy.

Speaking of penises and penis envy, I will not ask my readers to vote on yet a fourth option which suggests that Tim Goodman's literal physical penis is rather tiny and therefore he feels threatened by open attraction to or admiration of other men in any form because it sparks his feelings of inadequacy.

I repeat, these are all options which I will not include in a blog poll for my readers, and they are listed here merely as illustrative examples of the kinds of things I will not include in such a poll.

I am sure there are many other options that I will not include in a reader poll on my blog because I understand that these things would be wrong. And I have no intention, malicious or otherwise, of publicly attacking Tim Goodman for his opinions on Anderson Cooper, however much I may disagree with said opinions.

Thank you!

So now that we've got the requisite disclaimers out of the way, what was my point? Oh, yes! I have a question -- a non-personal, non-awkward, non-embarrassing question not pertaining to any specific person or persons and to which any and all who care to respond may do so.

Do any of you know of alternatives to SiteMeter? I've noticed on my little ClustrMap that a few people have visited my humble little blog who appear to be people other than my known readers. I know that SiteMeter exists, and apparently will tell you how many visitors you have, what search engine they used to find you, and various other interesting statistics. However, SiteMeter costs money I have learned. I am not yet that into my blog that I can see investing any money into it. So I'm just curious if anyone uses something similar that happens to be free.

See, that's really all this post was supposed to be about. Such a simple, harmless and presumably legal question.

I'm going to go to bed now. And I'm going to sleep. And I'm going to enjoy that sleep as I have never enjoyed sleep before. I'm going to do this because when I wake up tomorrow, I can only assume that I will be having many conversations with many attorneys that will result in many sleepless nights to come.

ClustrMap!

2005-11-08T23:28:00.000-05:00

So I’ve been inspired to add one of those Clustrmaps to my blog. Why? I guess so I can be miserably depressed when I realize how few people really do visit me.

Actually I have nothing else to post about, so I thought this would add interest to the blog and I could post about it to boot.

So this isn’t completely a step-by-step process, but I thought I’d post on anything of note as I work through this. First item of note, does anyone EVER read the Terms of Service? I wait for the day when Microsoft, ClustrMaps, Blogger, and a million and one other websites and software for which I’ve so blithely registered will all come back to haunt me when they show up on my doorstep wanting to claim the kidney I promised them in exchange for use of their product.

OK, so I just pasted in the HTML and previewed the template. It’s a wonder I managed that much, as I’m so illiterate at this kind of thing. But it appears to be working. So hang on…

And YAY! There’s me lit’l map! (That’s supposed to be something of a cockney accent, but I don’t know how to write cockney. Also, I’m sure they would’ve thrown in some oddball expression that made no good sense to anyone anywhere on the face of the Earth, but I’m not up on my oddball cockney phrases)

All hail the template tweaking (i.e. cut and paste) prowess of the great OGRB!

And be prepared to be sorely disappointed to see the least number of dots to ever appear on a ClustrMap. But still… I have my first blog toy!

And if that post bored you, then well, I give you this to ponder:

Porn videos. Why?! I've yet to see one -- gay, straight, or... "other" -- that was remotely sexy, erotic, appealing or held any redeeming qualities whatsoever. In fact, some of them seem designed by the radical right to turn people off of sex entirely, because I know I've seen some porn that made me want to do just that. So why is there such an industry around porn? I ask this not because I've recently been watching porn, but because a friend of mine on IM brought up the matter of how much she hates porn. Her complaint being that "people don't look normal in those things. Their bid'ness is all crazy looking, especially the women." So sayeth my friend.

Thoughts?

This Post Brought to You by the Colo(u)r Red

2005-11-07T23:27:00.000-05:00

See, we have to add that (u) into words like colo(u)r and hono(u)r since we're a savvy, inclusive blog like that, and because I have at least one reader who actually spells those words like that. Same said reader once actually posted on their own blog that they weren't from the U.S. and in the next sentence used the word "honour". I - almost - fell - out - of - my - chair. You mean you spell "honor" as "honour" and you're not from the U.S.? Well, colour me so surprised!

Anyway, so back to the point, which is that I don't have one, except that I had two brushes with the colo(u)r red and I thought I'd mo(u)ld my post around those two things.

1) I went to get my iced tea. Now usually I order "a black iced tea". Tonight they were out, but they did have "red iced tea". So I thought, what the hell, how different can they be? Turns out quite a bit. They don't look that different. The red iced tea is a bit lighter than the black iced tea, but only if you're looking for the difference. But taste wise? Totally different! I took a sip and at first was intrigued. Then I took a second sip. It was one of those things where you just keep sipping not so much because you enjoy it, but just out of sheer fascination. Kind of like when you have a hangnail and you keep mashing on it because it's unpleasant, but strangely and interestingly so. Also, the last thing you should do to "red iced tea" is add any kind of sweetening additive to it. Bleh! It goes from a tangy, metallic slightly intriguing taste to just plain medicinal. Like cough syrup medicinal. So yeah, I basically ended up with a bigass cup of Robitussin. So I learned something tonight, which is that red tea is... well... just... not my cup of tea.

2) Also, I learned that winter is coming on quickly here. There's a tree down the street in front of a historic house that I pass on the way to the place I buy my iced tea. It's surrounded by a couple of other trees, and I think it's a Japanese maple tree or at least a similar looking tree. Anyway, a little while ago it turned a bright, vivid, fiery red. Actually it turned red, and somehow the leaves got brighter and more vivid until they reached their zenith this past weekend. (But this tree wasn't red the whole time, just since autumn came. Are Japanese maples always red? If so, then it's not a Japanese maple, but something similar). Well, Sunday it was a gray, drizzly day again and I walked past the tree at one point and thought, wow, that's especially gorgeous against the gray of the day. Somehow the colo(u)rs really came out of that tree and the surrounding trees. So I go back home, piddle a bit and get my camera to go up the street.

Of course I should've known. When I first headed back home it was 3:30 in the afternoon. And since we've passed over from Daylight Savings Time and we're far enough north, that means that at this time of year once it hits 4:00 the sun starts to nosedive and it gets dark... fast. So I idiotically waited until a little after 4:00 to go back up the street and take my picture. By this time it's about 4:15 and the sun is already far enough down that the colo(u)r wasn't right. Also the streetlight right in front of the tree had come on, which completely ruined the whole thing. And to make matters worst of all, a big freaking bus had parked right in front of the vignette I wanted to capture. So that went to idea went to shit.

And what should I discover tonight as I walk past the tree? Apparently when they turn bright, vivid red it's like a grand finale or something, or a tree orgasm or something, because if you wait another day, you'll find that the same tree that was so stunningly gorgeous the day before has since lost over half it's leaves. The poor tree was nearly bare. So there goes that photo op.

And that's it!

The colo(u)r red thanks you for reading!

And One More Thing...

2005-11-06T22:24:00.000-05:00

Wholly unrelated to the previous post.

I guess I should start an online journal of my own rather than subjecting people to these random posts that I write solely for my own purposes. But oh, well.

Anyway, it occurs to me that tonight is the beginning of the end of an era. A tiny era, but an era. I became unemployed at the very end of August. Since then I've been in a weird state of limbo wherein I have my odd little habits. I have done some part-time work in the interim. But for the most part I've spent my days letting time pass, feeling out of control of the situation. I keep meaning to get things done, every day I wake up telling myself today I'm going to make a decision, but instead I fritter away the day and nothing comes of it. So I spend my days depressed, stressed out, indecisive, and maintaining a handful of little rituals I've created for myself.

For example, on Sunday nights I listen to a gay radio show on FNX here in Boston, One in Ten, while eating take-out Chinese. Soup of some kind, usually hot and sour, and Peking ravioli. I've stuck to this ritual the past two Sundays despite the fact that I've grown tired and even a bit disgusted by the Peking ravioli. Apparently, if you're wondering, they're called "pot-stickers" in other parts of the land. I read somewhere Peking Ravioli is pretty exclusively a Boston term. Anyway, so this is what I do. It's funny, I never did any of this before I lost my job. But it became my ritual and I stuck to it.

I also like to walk up the street at the end of the night to Emack & Bolio's and get myself an iced tea. This also started sometime in my unemployment time.

Anyway I did both of those things tonight. I did spend the day frittering the day away, getting nothing done. But it occurs to me this is probably my last day and night to do so. I simply cannot put off making a decision as to what I should do with my life any longer. I have no choice but to begin to take a step forward in some direction, any direction, even if it ultimately turns out to be the wrong direction.

And so I was sad and wistful tonight as I went to get my Chinese food, and then later my iced tea. I realized this is the end -- this night -- of those days of self-indulgent fretting, worrying, procrastinating, and depression. It's strange how you can mourn the passing of certain times in your life, even when those aren't particularly wonderful times. So who knows what will become of me? I guess I'll think about that tomorrow. I've been saying that for weeks now, but tomorrow I really will have to think about that.

Maybe it's because I finally set my ex-roommate free. So I guess in a way this post is related to the last one. Something about realizing it's 10:00 made me realize it was definitely the end of that era. The boy always went to bed no later than 10:00. He was like clockwork. Usually earlier than that, in fact. So I know now I definitely won't hear from him. If he were going to respond to my odd e-mail he would've done so today. And by tomorrow he'll have long forgotten it. So maybe that's why.

Or maybe it's because the first tree to put forth a gold, leafy show ushering in the beginning of autumn has nearly lost all its leaves by now I noticed earlier today.

Or maybe it's just because it's time. Time to move forward, time to make decisions, time to act. Time. I've been so haunted by the passing of time these past couple of months, and now the time has passed to a point I can't continue to simply mark time.

So yes, it's the beginning of the end of a mini-era all right. And I'm sure I will eat Chinese food again, maybe even on a Sunday night, and I will get iced tea again, probably even tomorrow night. But something will have changed, will have shifted. It will be a different world somehow. I hope it's a good world, whatever it is.

____________________
Addendum:

So I just finished my Sunday night conversation with my friend I talk to every week on Sunday night. I guess I will finish my iced tea and go to bed and begin the end of an era.

And the Winners Are...

2005-11-06T20:49:00.000-05:00

1) Anderson Cooper and 2) Lee's Walking Observations

Winner 1:

So this weekend I did something stupid and goofy. But I don't totally regret it. See, I was thinking about my ex-roommate, whom I miss terribly but also realize that I would never hear from again. So I e-mailed him. Late last night (early this morning, whatever your take on that). Anyway, it was a long, rambling, really weird e-mail. I don't know why I did it, I just thought I want to e-mail him, so I will. Basically I told him I was sad not to have heard from him in all this time, but since I wasn't going to hear from him, I thought I'd tell him goodbye properly. I wasn't rude or anything. Just told him I thought he was great, wish we could've been friends, but it was apparent he would never respond to me, so I hope he has a wonderful life and goodbye.

Strangely this didn't make me so horribly sad. I actually feel kind of better. Well, for the most part I do. Part of me feels bad for him, because I'm sure he was totally confused and found it completely out of the blue -- IF he did, in fact, read it, which itself is probably doubtful. But it's done. And I feel like I have some closure. He didn't respond. I didn't really expect him to.

But, that brings us Winner Number One -- Anderson Cooper! See, I'm all yours now, Anderson Baby! My ex-roomate is gone and if I wasn't going to hear from him ever again before, I've sealed that as an absolute certainty by this point. So no competition for you anymore, Anderson! I'll just go now and sit and wait for your e-mail acknowledging this and with your instructions as to how we should move forward.

Winner 2:

Lee, of ACC fame has launched her very own personal blog, Lee's Walking Observations. And I am pleased to have her added to my blogroll! This took no end of doing. To this day I have no idea why, but adding Lee's blog via blogrolling.com managed to wipe out every other link on that list except ACC. So if you wondered why that was, then blame it on blogrolling.com. For a brief time I thought Lee had rigged up some kind of trick special programming so that anyone who added her personal blog as a link would wipe clean all of their links except ACC. See, I thought to myself, she's not really starting her own blog. It's a big elaborate ruse to take over the world and promote Anderson Cooper's fame via ACC by eliminating links to any and all other blogs. Of course, that may be her plan after all. But I hate to suggest that, lest the Aaron Brown fans decide to hunt her down and blame the new CNN lineup on her mysterious powers (which, apparently, has sort of been happening anyway I have heard).

But no, alas, it turns out it was blogrolling.com. I don't for the life of me remember what I did to make blogrolling.com happy finally, but I kept changing things around until lo and behold my complete blogroll reappeared! All of this may leave you wondering, why on earth would I use blogrolling.com in the first place? Why not just add the links directly into the HTML in Blogger, which is simple, straightforward, and easy to manipulate? I don't know! Don't ask me. I saw on someone else's blog they used blogrolling.com and decided they must know what they're doing, so I followed suit. And I've regretted it ever since. For all its faults, I think I've decided it's best just to work directly with Blogger. No blogrolling.com, no special templates, no HaloScan comments, no outside image hosting. I've read posts here and there of people having sinister problems with all of these things, so why bother? But, sign up for blogrolling.com I did in those early, naive days and for now, I guess, I'll stick with it.

But anyway, so get on over and visit Lee and her "Walking Observations". She has Latin, Puppies, and at least one pic so far of Anderson Cooper!

Of course, I realize this recommendation will do little if any to drive traffic to Lee's blog since my only known readers are either people who already read her blog or Lee, herself, but it's the thought that counts right? And who knows that there aren't some as yet unidentified readers here who will be moved by my recommendation.

So that is all I have for you today, except for this bit to ponder -- will this start a new trend? Will there soon be other ACC spinoff blogs in the works? Will all of these blogs authored by ACC contributors coalesce to form the next blog media empire to rival Gakwer media and the like? We shall see...

Tomatoes... Kinky...

2005-11-03T23:50:00.000-05:00

So the ACC folks are worried that people want to hurl tomatoes at them because of some perceived slight to Aaron Brown. And they hope that by going on record as having no ill will towards Aaron Brown, that this will stop people from wanting to hurl tomatoes at them.

Well, speaking of going on record, I would like to do that myself. I would just like to say ACC folks, that, no, this disclaimer of yours will not stop people from wanting to hurl tomatoes at you.

What I'm saying is there may or may not exist a certain someone who wants to hurl tomatoes at the three of you not because of Aaron Brown, but rather because it is said someone's supersecret long held deepest, darkest fantasy.

Furthermore, that same supersecret long held deepest, darkest fantasy may or may not also include French maid uniforms and a couple of llamas.

Also, I may or may not be posting this here because I thought leaving a similar comment on the actual ACC post in question might be perceived as too inappropriate for the G-rating that ACC likes to maintain.

Finally, I may or may not have invented this whole thing and posted it here for no other reason than the fact that I had nothing else to post about.

New E-mail Scam or British Exodus???

2005-11-01T22:51:00.000-05:00

First of all, sorry about the reallllllly looooooong, rambling post from yesterday. I should probably have just stuck that in my personal journal somewhere. Except I don't have a personal journal, so I went with the blog. The post wasn't exactly blog-ish in nature, but I was in a mood yesterday and wanted to capture it for myself in a place of safekeeping.

Sad that I consider Blogger to be a place of safekeeping, but given that my computer has imploded and wiped out all of my files two different times now, I consider my harddrive to be a place of last resort for storing anything of importance.

But anyway, thanks for taking the time to read the Tolstoy length novel I posted and not only commenting, but commenting positively about it! I honestly thought to myself when I woke up this morning, "Nobody wants to read that shit! Nobody cares about it but you." So it was nice to be proven wrong this time.

On a lighter note, though, I admit to being perplexed at the moment. I'm perplexed because I just received an e-mail at my AOL account asking about the room I have for rent. Now to be fair, I did post an ad for a room for rent. BUT -- and I say it again -- BUT... I posted that ad in February! You know, February? Which was something like nine months ago. Which is enough time that someone could've gotten pregnant around the time I posted the ad, and actually had the kid by now. That's a whole from conception to birth cycle we're talking about. I know, because one of my friends did get pregnant in February and has since had the kid. And furthermore, did I mention that the ad was posted in February? Which means that it was winter, then it turned into spring, then it turned into summer, then it turned into fall, and we're almost ready to begin winter again? Are you getting my point here?

Now you might be saying, but OGRB, so you got an e-mail about a Craigslist ad you posted nine months ago. So chill already. And I would say to you, fine that. I can accept that. You're right, I can move on. BUT -- and I say it again -- BUT... did I also mention that this is not the first e-mail I've received within the past two to three months about a room I posted an ad for in February? Because it's not.

You see, sometime in August I got my first e-mail asking me about the room I had for rent. Some fluke, I thought. Somebody somehow managed to find my old ad on Craigslist that I posted in February (how long do Craigslist ads stay posted anyway?) didn't realize it was from February, and so I'll just overlook it. I didn't respond. I just ignored it. Never heard from them again.

Fine, let's move on.

But then I got another e-mail about my room for rent sometime in September. OK, another fluke. Let it go.

BUT -- and I say it again -- BUT then I got another e-mail. And another one after that. And throughout the months of September and October I received one to two e-mails every couple of weeks asking about my room for rent. And here it is the first of November, and they're still e-mailing!

Here's a notice, people: Goddamn room is gone! Long gone! Ain't no more room for rent! It's been filled, inhabited, occupied, rented, etc.

So why do these people keep e-mailing me? And why, in the entire month of February and on into part of March did I only hear from a total of three people, but now I'm hearing from them in droves? OK, so not droves. Only one to two every fortnight. But still that's a lot of people to be interested in a room that was for rent in February! Where were all of you when the room was, like, actually for rent?

And here's the kicker. All of them -- as in every single one of them -- have been British! No one from the U.S. wants to rent the room that's located, interestingly enough in the U.S. Nor do people from Japan, Argentina, Zimbabwe or Trinidad (yes, I threw that one in just for you) want to rent a room in Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts. Only those wacky, pasty Brits! People from London, Manchester, Edinburgh and assorted other hamlets and villages throughout the U.K. have inquired about my room for rent. Most of them are keen to share with me their hobbies, their appreciation of other cultures, ethnicities, etc. and their amazing ability to get along well with all kinds of people in any variety of circumstances.

So I ask you, WTF?! Are the British isles slated for destruction sometime before the coming of 2006? Is that why culturally enlighted, socially adaptable Brits seem to be fleeing with maddening desperation and are therefore e-mailing anyone and everyone who's ever had a room for rent in the U.S. at any time within the past year in hopes that they can get out in time?

Or is it that they have a supersecret radical plan to retake the States as a colonial possession? That would explain why they're all dying to come to Boston. See, they're trying to plant operatives in and around the city that was, after all, the cradle of the American Revolution. What more logical place to plant their operatives and begin their devious scheme to reclaim the States?

Seriously, though, can someone help me with this? I tried googling it to see if there was some new e-mail scam whereby people try and extract personal and/or financial information by posing as potential roommates, but that turned up nothing. Still, given the fact that the ad is nine months old AND that all of the interested parties are coincidentally from the U.K., I'm just wary enough that I'm a little too afraid to actually respond to them and say "So, WTF are you bloody well thinking? Are you for real? How did you find a nine month old ad?"

So what gives? Because I can't figure it out.

Oh, well. I guess I won't worry about it since I need to get to bed. Just remember this, though -- the first time someone turns to you and says "Did you hear? A bunch of undercover British operatives just laid seige to the State House in Boston!" remember: YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST!

Another Page for My Book of Perfect Days

2005-10-31T23:44:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I have the fantasy that when I die, there will be an afterlife. And in that afterlife God will grant us each the capacity to create a Book of Perfect Days. We will each be allowed to leaf through the days of our lives and choose the very best, most perfect, most extraordinary days and pull them out for extraspecial safekeeping. These days we will then paste into our Book of Perfect Days where they will be there to keep forever. And we will spend much of our time in eternity leafing through the pages of our Books of Perfect Days.

Today, October 31, 2005, will be one of those days I put in my book of Perfect Days. And it will be one of my favorites. You see, we will all make obvious choices for our own Books, and I will be no exception. Special occasions, life transitions, meeting someone exceptional for the first time, saying goodbye to them for the last time -- we will all have such days in our Books, and so it should be.

But within each of our Books we will also have, every one of us, days that are extraordinary in no discernible way except that they are somehow Perfect Days that cannot, should not be lost to time and forgotten. You know the ones, the days when for no reason at all you are reminded that the world is exceptionally, even painfully beautiful. These are some of my favorite days of all. Fortunately, today was one of those days.

My day was not special. My day was not particularly memorable. Nothing significant happened. In fact, I woke up, ate some oatmeal, and left -- running late -- to go to Downtown Boston to work at my occasional part-time job. And as far as jobs go, this one is horribly, unbearably, ridiculously monotonous, dull and tedious. Also, I got there around noon, and left a little after 11:00 at night, to get home roughly 20 minutes before midnight, and the official end of October 31st, 2005. So I worked all day, basically, and came home and here I am now. I will end my day by posting this, probably having some peanut butter and jelly on a slice of bread, taking a hot shower and going to bed. So why on earth would I ever want to choose this day to place in my Book of Perfect Days?

I guess I should explain that. I was upset when I went the bed the night before. Very dissatisfied with my life, very depressed, uncertain about the future. These things haven't changed, but they were especially on my mind when I went to bed and tossed and turned for hours trying to find sleep. It took me forever to get to sleep. The last time I looked at the clock it was nearly 4:00 in the morning. Eventually, though, I did go to sleep.

My alarms -- two alarm clocks and my cell phone -- were set to go off at 8:00 in the morning. Of course I have a horrible habit of hitting snooze repeatedly before I wake up, sometimes -- no most times -- not even doing it consciously. It doesn't matter if I set the alarms across the room. In fact, I do believe I could probably get out of bed, make my way to the airport, take a cross-country flight, hit snooze, fly back, get back to my apartment and crawl back in bed and continue to sleep unperturbed without any awareness of what had just transpired. I'm a sleeper, a serious, serious sleeper. It's my one skill and I own that skill as no one else can. So it should be no surprise that I managed to hit snooze several times in succession finally gaining awareness sometime around 9:30. Somewhere in my hypnopompic state of mind I managed to reason with myself that I could stay in bed until 10:00 and still get to work on time at 11:00. I managed to have a few last fleeting dream vignettes in between my final snooze button episodes, and actually got out of bed at 10:15. I did so feeling remarkably refreshed and more at ease in my mind than I had been when I went to bed the night before. This was the beginning of the Perfect Day, but I still didn't know at that moment that it was to be a Perfect Day. Is that why it was a Perfect Day? Because I awoke feeling refreshed? Or was it just one small piece of the Perfect Day?

After getting dressed from clothes off the floor that weren't yet too dirty that I couldn't wear them again (a good trick when you're in a hurry) I realized that if I wanted to get to work at 11:00 I would actually need to leave in 15 minutes. I decided I would go ahead and resign myself to being a few minutes late. This, I believed, would give me sufficient time to eat a bowl of instant oatmeal without being too late. So I went into the kitchen and prepared myself a bowl of instant Cinnamon flavored Quaker Oats. I don't know why, but I love it when I can find the time to fix a bowl of instant oatmeal and eat it before starting my day. Something about doing this has always soothed my soul and made me feel that the day might somehow be better than it would have been had I not taken the time to fix and eat the bowl of oatmeal. Was this why the day turned out to be so Perfect? Because I had the oatmeal? Was that when the magic began?

As I waited the two minutes for the oatmeal to finish microwaving, I thought back to this time a year ago and how different things were then. At that time I had not one occasional part-time job, but one full-time job and one regular part-time job that I worked at most evenings and on weekends, and the occasional part-time job I now have. Three jobs! And that was miserable. There were even days when I worked all three in one day! And I was working three jobs because I had severe money issues that I thought would never clear up, and that was miserable too. And I thought I would never be able to stop working three jobs, clear up my money issues or in any way move forward in life, and that was the most miserable of all. And in retrospect, now that I have been unemployed since August and want nothing more than to have a stable, full-time job again, I realize how much I long for the misery of last year, because although my life felt like it was at a standstill and a grossly overworked one at that, at least it was a gainfully employed standstill, and I had something more like control over that time of my life than I do now.

During that same two-minute period, in addition to all of that, I also reflected on the fact that at this time last year I had two completely different roommates than I now have, one of whom was my favorite roommate I've ever had. In fact, I adored that roommate. I don't know that it's fair to say I ever knew him well enough to have fallen in love with him, but I did adore him. I adored him so much so that if Anderson Cooper and Chris Martin appeared on my doorstep together and offered to be my joint lovers for life, promising to shower me with love, affection, riches and non-stop sex, but at the same time I was told that I had to decide between having the two of them as guaranteed joint lovers for life or having one chance to go on a date with my ex-roomate to see if we clicked and could possibly become lovers, but that there were no promises and it might only be a one date deal and end at that, I would choose the date with the ex-roomate without even thinking it over. Incidentally, that roommate moved the last weekend in February and has not returned a single e-mail or phone call nor did he acknowledge the birthday card I sent along with the package of accumulated mail that didn't get forwarded to him at his new address. He now lives something like an hour away, and his new home is totally beyond the sphere of Eastern Massachusetts public transportation and I have no car, and it appears he would not even be bothered to see me even if I could get to him. So he is lost to me. So, you see, that one date with him would be worth it because even if the date went horribly, I would at least get to see him once more and at least get to tell him goodbye and at least get to tell him I did adore him and do adore him and that even if I never hear from him again I will spend much of my life hoping that he will have a wonderful life. So I thought of this, my ex-roomate and I remembered that at this time last year, I was living with this roommate whom I so adored, and how despite the misery of my life otherwise this fact alone made those some of the happiest days of my life. And I wonder now, if all that reflection somehow set my soul up to receive the beauty of this day and I wonder if that is when the Perfect Day started.

I also thought to myself how at this time last year I would wake up every morning, fix my oatmeal, eat it while watching the Today Show, and that somehow this short, little ritual of calm was enough to help me manage the rest of the day. I'm telling you, a bowl of instant oatmeal can do wonders for a soul! And on lucky days, I would run into my favorite roommate of all time in the kitchen as I was fixing my oatmeal, or look out my window as I was eating it to catch a glimpse of him waiting for the bus across the street. Those were particularly good mornings.

All of that took place in that two-minute span that my oatmeal was microwaving. It's amazing how much one can think in a two-minute period, yet it takes so much telling to explain all that thinking to someone else. Also in that two minutes I realized I needed to know what the weather was like so I stepped out onto the balcony off the kitchen to see if I needed a jacket or a sweatshirt. I did not. And that's when I looked out on the day for the first time and saw how immensely beautiful it was, as only a day can be in October in Boston. I saw the gentle golden light that is characteristic of autumn in New England this time of year, and how the light caressed everything it touched. Even the shadows of this day had a soft, glowing luminosity while still managing to be shadows. I still didn't know it was going to be a Perfect Day, but I knew by this time that it was at least going to be one of the most beautiful days I had ever seen. I did not need a jacket or a sweatshirt. I don't know what the temperature read on the thermometer, but it was that temperature for which there is no number -- the temperature at which comfort and bliss are recorded rather than numbers. I don't know how the world arrives at this temperature on certain days. It's a temperature that can actually happen at any time of year under any conditions, when nature dispenses with thermometers and offers magic instead. It was that temperature.

So my two minutes was up. I grabbed my oatmeal and headed back to my computer to eat it and to check my e-mail before I went off to work. I saw that a friend had instant messaged me via Yahoo IM. I tried to respond but he seemed to be away from the computer. I finished my oatmeal, brushed my teeth, then came back to the chair by my computer and put on my socks and shoes. I IM'ed a quick goodbye to my friend who had messaged me earlier telling him goodbye and Happy Halloween. Turns out he was back at his computer, and he responded just before I got up to leave. He sent me a cute little animated Happy Halloween "audible" as it's called on Yahoo and wished me a good day. This made me especially happy and touched me deeply somehow. I don't think I yet realized it was a Perfect Day, but I did pause briefly to think how much I cared about this friend, how much he's meant to me these past few months when I most needed a friend, and how wonderful it was to have someone to wish me Happy Halloween. So began the Perfect Day. It was 10:50.

I walked out, and down the stairs and out the door, all the while wondering what might be in store for my future. Thinking about how much things have changed in a year, and how precarious my life is at the moment, I wondered how many more times I might walk out of my room and down those stairs. I wondered, will someday soon be the last time I walk down these stairs of this apartment where I lived for a brief few months with my most wonderful roommate of all time? Will I end up somehow having to say goodbye to all of this? It's a cruddy, crappy apartment that's halfway falling apart, yet somehow I love it. It has a warmth no other apartment I've ever lived in has ever had. Thinking this made me sad and I was returning to my sad thoughts of the night before.

But then I walked out the door. And I looked out on the beautiful, golden day and somehow I was no longer worried with these thoughts. Suddenly the world was still and quiet and everything moved in a leisurely and peaceful slow motion. This is what the Buddhas see when they become enlightened, the beauty and perfection of this world. I walked across the porch and saw someone had put a pumpkin on the railing. This made me immensely happy, because it was Halloween and I loved that pumpkin as if it were a close friend. I know that sounds odd and goofy, but I did. I even reached out and touched the pumpkin to let it know how much I loved it for being there.

Then I walked down the street. And I just drunk in the beauty and perfection of that day. And I realized "This is such a gorgeous day. I hope I can hold this day in my mind and my heart forever."

I stopped at the little convenience store I've stopped in so many times to see if they had any candy I could take to work. They didn't. I bought a Sobe instead. A Sobe Nirvana, fittingly. The woman didn't know how much to charge, so she made up a price, $1.49. I got 51 cents in change. That detail is unimportant, but years later when I put this day into my Book I will want to remember that detail.

I continued to walk and passed the side street I used to live on before I moved into my current apartment. I saw yet another ex-roommate headed towards me who still lives in the apartment I used to live in. I didn't adore this roommate, but I liked him very much as roommates go. He was headed towards the main road I was on, but he was on his cell phone so I kept didn't wait for him to catch up. I kept going wondering if he saw me or not. I continued to revel in the glory of the day. A few minutes later, the ex-roomate from the old apartment went breezing past me -- "I've got to run, I'm going to be late! I don't think I'm going to make it by 11:00!" I watched him run on ahead into the perfect day. I said a little prayer asking that God let him get to where he was going by 11:00 because I've been in that position of having to get somewhere and thinking I wouldn't make it, and because I thought how horrible it was to have to run in a hurry on such a perfect day, and because I thought to myself what a good roommate he had been. He was -- and I suppose still is -- wildly energetic, talkative, friendly and a very strong presence to be around. Quite the opposite of me. And his mother and sister lived with us for a while when they came from Mexico so the mother could seek cancer treatment and they thought she might die, and they were wonderful people and very kind to me. They always worried that they were being obtrusive and encroaching on my space, but I was actually very glad to have them there because they brought a great warmth to the place. So I thought fondly of this ex-roomate and his family and how much I cared about them all and I thought how glad I was to have seen him briefly on this fine day.

I got to the subway station. I realized that my ex-roommate, the one who had passed me a few minutes before, was on the train I saw pulling out of the station or possibly one before it and was glad he was on his way. I wasn't even upset that I had just barely missed that train. Nor need I be, because another train pulled in behind it immediately. I rode quietly with my thoughts. I even loved the subway train on this day, and realized how much I loved public transportation. When it's not crowded, it's a quiet place to sit and think or rest while you speed through the city. We reached Back Bay. It was 11:30. I realized that this was where my frantic ex-roommate was headed, so I was glad because if my train was there at 11:30 it meant that he had gotten there before 11:30 and therefore made his destination either early or just barely on time. I thanked God for answering my little prayer on his behalf.

I got out at Downtown Crossing and went to CVS to buy candy for the office. I chose two boxes of Lindt truffles. If you know me at all, or have read here before you will be pleased for me that I found Halloween themed boxes, one black with little ghosts on the wrappers, and one orange with little jack-o-lantern faces on the wrappers. I took them to work. I was late and worried about this, but not terribly worried. I set the candy on the table and started working.

The woman who owns the company I work for at my occasional part-time job asked me to come back into her office. I thought I was to be scolded for getting to work late -- 45 minutes late. Instead she thanked me for the candy, talked briefly about the assignment for the day, and made small chitchat. In this office happens to work a young, cute blonde, blue-eyed guy whom I have a huge crush on. She turned to him and said "Oh, look, Lindt candies. You love those!" I was pleased. I thought how on this Perfect Day for Halloween, I was spending it with this wonderful woman who has always been kind, generous and forgiving with me, tolerated me when I've been late or unable to complete an assignment for one reason or another, and has never done anything but praise me and show me trust and confidence. I thought how wonderful it was to spend this Perfect Day with her husband who worked with her, and with their Boston Terrier that comes to work with them every day and with the other woman in the office who has always been kind and friendly to me, and with the adorable blonde guy. He's probably only ever spoken two sentences to me, but he smiled that I brought Lindt truffles, and that made me happy on this Perfect Day.

I worked with the other three regular employees who were in the front room with me and was glad they were there, too. And because we get paid for the time we're working and not the time we're not working, we actually have tremendous flexibility with our time. We can take as many breaks as we need as often as we need provided we record the time we actually work. And no one ever checks up on us, they just trust we actually record the time we work. So I took many breaks. And I would go downstairs and stand and stare at the beautiful day. I took my first break and did just that and thought how wonderful it was to see all the people milling about sharing this Perfect Day with me. You can only ever see that in downtowns in reasonably sized cities and feel communion with all the people bringing excitement to the world by living their lives all at once. Then I came back up and worked some more.

I took another break and called a friend of mine who lives in the South and wished her Happy Halloween. She had gotten the e-card I sent her, and wished me Happy Halloween and this made me happy on my Perfect Day.

I worked some more.

I took another break, this time for lunch, and had Thai food at the food court at The Corner Mall. It was wonderful Thai food. I hope I never forget that Thai food.

I worked some more.

The woman who owns the place came out periodically and made small talk with us all.

I took one more break and called another friend to wish her Happy Halloween. It was 4:00. I stared down the street at the Old South Church framed by the modern buildings surrounding it, and watched the teeming masses of people. I saw how the sun, at this late afternoon hour lit the scene with happiness, warmth and exquisite beauty. I tried to engrave that memory into my brain so I could always recall it. I hope wherever I am in the world when I think about Boston that one of the scenes in my mind is that scene.

I went back upstairs. The woman who owns the place brought her Boston Terrier out to the front room, and showed me how patient he was while she propped him up and waved his arms around as FrankenTerrier in honor of Halloween. And she showed me the trick where you can spread out his mouth and he looks like the alien from Predator. And she showed me the trick where you can move his paws for him to take him through the motions of the children's song Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes...

It was 5:00 and the beautiful blonde boy left for the night, and I was glad I got to see a beautiful blonde boy on this Perfect Day and bring him Lindt truffles.

The woman, her husband and their Boston Terrier left for the night and I wished them Happy Halloween. They wished me the same.

It was 6:00 and the other woman left for the night and I wished her goodnight. The other three workers had long since left for the night. I was alone now.

I took a few more breaks, and continued working. At one point I had two baked potatoes from Wendy's for dinner and then got a Vanilla Chai from Dunkin' Donuts, and because it was Halloween, I opted for a choclate frosted doughnut as well. And all of this made me happy on this Perfect Day. I saw a few people in Halloween costumes, two nurses, several things I couldn't identify, a pink-haired rabbit, some more things I couldn't identify. I was glad I got to see Halloween costumes on Halloween. This made me happy.

Finally I finished up my project. It was 11:00 at night by this time. I left, and came home.

I thought my Perfect Day could not be better. I went down into the Downtown Crossing station to wait for the subway. I didn't have to wait, a train arrived immediately. How could it not? This was the Perfect Day!

I got on and managed to get a seat. Of course. It was the Perfect Day!

And as a parting token of Halloween I looked up to see a -- I think it was a witch, albeit in a blue tutu (a ballerina witch?) and her boyfriend, a mummy. I was happy I got to see Halloween costumes on my ride home as I ended my Perfect Halloween Day. I was a little sad when they got off the train, because I realized this would be the last of Halloween that I would see on this day.

So, I finally made it home. I walked in the Perfect Night along a perfect street with perfect trees illuminated spectacularly by street lights that brought out gorgeous nocturnal autumnal tones that only street lights and leaf-turning trees can produce.

I got to my porch, reached out and touched the pumpkin still sitting on the railing to let it know I loved it all the more now that I realized how important it had been to be there to greet me as I set out on my Perfect Day. I came upstairs. I wrote this. Then I went to the kitchen, had my peanut butter and apricot jelly, stepped outside onto the balcony from whence I first discovered the Perfect Day, and looked up at the stars and thanked God for giving me a Perfect Day. I also told God that if ever he wanted to take my life as I slept, that this would be a good night to do so.

I blew a kiss into the Perfect Night to let it know I loved it for being the perfect end to a Perfect Day.

And now, sadly, I will publish this post, take a hot shower and then go to bed...

...for all days -- especially Perfect ones -- must come to an end.

Happy Halloween!!!

2005-10-30T23:32:00.000-05:00

I tried and tried to come up with something to say or post, but couldn't.

So I'll just leave it at that --

Happy Halloween!

Dullest, Lamest Post Ever

2005-10-29T15:57:00.000-04:00

It's snowing!

That's all... I woke up, took a shower, and piddled around. Then I went into the kitchen and through the windows noticed that it was snowing! And snowing properly!

Now, ever since I've lived in Boston it has always snowed at least once in October before Halloween. Usually it's just a handful of tiny, barely perceptible flakes threatening the onslaught of winter and then it goes away again until things start up right and proper sometime in November. But it has always, always snowed by Halloween.

Of course I had long since given up hope that it would snow before Halloween this year, given that despite the rain and drizzle and pretty much the grayest month in recorded history, it actually hasn't been that cold. In fact, it's been pretty mild weather for autumn in Boston.

But, oh, ye of little faith said the snow gods on this fine day, behold! Snow! Before Halloween!

(also it turns out it's not that easy to photograph falling snow. Or at least if you're using a digital camera you really have no clue how to use! But here are the best pictures I could come up with!)

I Suck and I Know I Suck!

2005-10-25T01:53:00.000-04:00

Quick post. I suck! And I realize it! And I apologize!

To my three readers, I apologize for not posting anything for like a week or however long it's been. I know, I know, how can I expect readers to be interested enough to keep up with my blog if I only ever post once a week or less?

Anyway, so that's one reason I suck.

The other reason is this: I warned you! I tried all month to do good this year, especially since I don't have the money to spend! But I'm telling you, kitschy Halloween commercialism crap is my kryptonite! I CANNOT stop myself!

Mind you I've done well up until now. The month is practically over and I haven't bought anything, not one thing. Not even one of those pumpkin spice doughnuts at Dunkin' Donuts that I fall for every year. I said to myself, "Self! Don't do it! First of all, you don't even like dougnuts that well. And second of all, you always give in and buy one, and they always turn out to be shag nasty!"

I even made it through CVS (a pharmacy if you don't have them in your area) and didn't buy one piece of Halloween kitsch despite the whole aisle devoted to the crap!

I realized no, I did not need a nine foot garland of ghosts and pumpkins, nor one of black cats and witches, even though they would've looked really fabulous strung up in my bedroom. I realized I would never actually bother to take the time to string them up, and the whole thing would be a waste of money.

I realized I did not need a lollipop ring that, once the lollipop was gone, left you with a little pumpkin or a little ghost or a little green eyeball on a cheap plastic ring, even though it was pretty cheap. But I realized I would never need or use such a thing. So I did well on that one.

I said no to so many things. I said no to the Snoopy Great Pumpkin candy dish thingy and to the little Halloween baskets (which was easy to do, because they were really cheap looking and kind of ugly) and I said no to a gazillion other little pumpkin-festooned or ghost-emblazoned gewgaws, knick-knacks and whatnot.

So I'm sitting here thinking I should go to bed early tonight (note early means by 2:00ish in the morning or somewhere thereabouts) but first I'm going to walk up to the store. Nevermind that not only is it drizzly again (which remember is fine, because I like that kind of weather) but it's also now cold and blustery (which I don't so much like because then you get cold, and even with an umbrella the wind blustering about sprays water all over you, so you just end up cold and wet). I was going to get something to drink, come back, drink it, do some quick websurfing and go to bed. And I almost made it. But I should've known the Ghost of Halloween Kitsch would strike when I least expected it to.

So I go, I get my drink, and I make a quick visual sweep of the store to see if there's anything else I needed or wanted. There was -- chunky peanut butter. But I promptly forgot all about the chunky peanut butter, and didn't end up getting any because I got distracted. I saw it. I saw the Halloween kitschy crap buy that I couldn't resist making. And it was the most pathetic impuslive Halloween kitsch crap buy of all. What was it? Cupcakes. Freaking cupcakes with orange icing and a couple of candy corn stuck on top of them. Not even black and orange sprinklies or anything. Just orange icing. I was done in by orange icing. Couldn't it have at least been something cool like the retro masks in the funky little retro store across the street from me? Something I could have shown off to my friends and been like "Hey, it's Halloween kitsch, but it's hipster retro Halloween kitsch." Nope! I get done in by orange icing and candy corn.

At least the freaking box had witches and pumpkins on it. So I guess that makes it a little better right? Because at least I get some witches and pumpkins.

Of course this desperate attempt at redeeming myself might be negated by three things 1) They're not cool, locally made cupcakes, they're Entenmann's! 2) I wasn't hungry at the time 3) I'm not a huge cupcake fan. I don't hate cupcakes, and occasionally I enjoy them, but I would never think "Hey, six-pack of cupcakes!" Not unless they had orange icing and candy corn!

Why? Why can't I resist this shit! I don't have this problem at Christmas, not at Easter, not at the Fourth of July! Only at Halloween!!!

Stupid Ghost of Halloween Kitsch!

Quick Update

2005-10-18T04:14:00.000-04:00

After 20 minutes, Blogger and Internet Explorer kissed and made up and decided to let me post my freaking post already! I didn't actually have to reformat my entire computer, but it probably would have been the easier option.

Just a quick update. The sun finally did come out in its full glory today. So no more rainy, drizzly, gray days. Oddly enough, my occasional part-time job also called today and wanted me to come in. I say "oddly enough" because they didn't call the entire time it was rainy and drizzly and gray. Maybe they didn't feel like any work needed to be done so long as it was gray and drizzly.

Also, oddly enough, my roommate cleaned up the entire kitchen today. Except the dishes. He left those. I felt compelled to do them before I went in for work, since he cleand the entire kitchen except for that. And our kitchen was in pretty bad shape!

I guess this whole sun business just gets people up and moving or something, because there was none of this business going on while it was gray and drizzly for the past two weeks.

Well, the whole going to work for the evening totally ruined me. I came home, and had to catch up on all my blog reading that I didn't get done because I ordinarily would've done that instead of working. So now it's almost 5:00 in the morning!

Also, speaking of reading blogs, does it make me a sick, sad person that I went to Gawker, but instead of reading it, I just did a Ctrl + F search for "Anderson Cooper" to see if he'd been mentioned during the day? He was, but it was so trivial I've now forgotten what they said. It wasn't actually about Anderson, they just worked his name into some totally unrelated item. It was probably some cheap, stupid gay joke.

OK, OK, fine hang on one second, I'll go find it. Ah, yes, here it is. And yes, it was some cheap, stupid gay joke. I should never have even gone to retrieve it. If I had the energy I'd say more about how annoying that is, but geez, for real, Gawker, get some new shtick already!

On that note, I really am off to bed.

Note to self -- if I can find time this week: A Halloween post with lots of tacky pictures. A post detailing the ridiculous unemployment "call us urgently" business. Umm... well, I did have like a gazillion ideas just five minutes ago. Oh, and since I started the whole thing, my own ideas on Anderson Cooper's Halloween costume possibilites. And finally, because I don't want to be just like Gawker, at least one other post that has nothing to do with Anderson Cooper.

Note to readers: And no, I promise that last comment warning myself against becoming too much like Gawker does not extend to other blogs posting about Anderson Cooper -- especially well-conceived, respectful, legitimate blogs that post meaningful things about Anderson Cooper and related items.

On that note, to all three of my fabulous readers, hugs and bisou bisou! (You know, bisou bisou, that whole French cheek-to-cheek fake kissy thing they do!)

Sun Update and Some Other Stuff

2005-10-16T15:52:00.000-04:00

Well, just a couple of quick things:

1) Seems the cloud cover came back enough that it's mostly gray today. Not as gray as the past week and a half to two weeks (I don't even remember how long it's been since it was a normal day). But it's enough to appease me. Like a transition day, or something, before it's just ultra-no-holds-barred sunny.

2) I loves me some comments! Thanks for leaving comments! I have noticed them. I thought about responding to them all within the comments on the post they were made, but decided just to do a general shout-out here in this post. And thanks for the hugs in the comment on the last post, it's very much appreciated!

3) I've made a promise to myself -- and I guess now I'll make the same to you -- to write something that is neither obsessing about Anderson Cooper (as if you'd complain about that one, though) nor is wistful and sappy in a junior-high-student-writes-bad-poetry kind of way. Though I may not get to that right away because...

4) I'm off to head up to the center of town -- er, uh... It's not really the center of town, because since I live in Jamaica Plain, which is technically a part of Boston, the center of town would be like Back Bay, maybe? But I mean the center of Jamaica Plain. So I guess it's not the center of town, it's just up the street. But Jamaica Plain feels like a little town in its own way. More like a little English village, or something. Anyway, I'm headed up the street to what feels like the center of a town slash English village to get myself away from the computer, to get myself out of the apartment for a bit and into the world, and to run a couple of necessary errands -- like buying a lightbulb for the kitchen so the apartment isn't pitch black come nightfall.

In the meantime, I'll be pondering what to write about next. Could I wax poetic about my second great love, Chris Martin of Coldplay -- and more specifically his impossibly blue eyes?

Then again, would that only serve to pain Anderson and leave him feeling betrayed? Because we certainly wouldn't want that!

And if Anderson ever does read this I'll deny I ever did write anything about Chris Martin, but rather that some rabid Coldplay fan hacked into my blog and posted that bit. Oh, and Anderson, um, e-mail me.

And if Chris ever does read this, then I'll deny that I ever denied being held captive to eyes so blue they actually hurt. And, Chris, um, e-mail me.

And finally, if Anderson and Chris ever both read this, well, then, don't fight boys, really. There's room in my heart -- and my bed -- for both of you -- maybe even both of you at once? I mean it's just an option.

Oh, the agonies of love! It's so complicated. Maybe I'll just stick to a post on my fanatical obsession with all that commercial Halloween kitsch that's floating around this time of year. Yes, kids, that's me that does that to you every year. I'm the reason you're subjected to that, because I actually buy that shit up like nobody's business. I just can't help it! More so than any other holiday, I'm a total sucker for that kind of thing at Halloween. Throw on some orange and black sprinklies and I'll follow you anywhere.

OK, I should get going, I have lots to do today. I made myself a list with the specific intention of trying to pry myself away from the computer.

In the meantime feel free to talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you two topics:

1) Topic One: As I was thinking about orange and black sprinklies I found myself naturally thinking about Anderson Cooper -- via a certain chain of thoughts which I won't detail for you. But suffice it to say you're in a room, you've got Anderson Cooper and some orange and black sprinklies to use up... Point being I was thinking "I bet Anderson gets to attend or maybe even host some fabulous-fucking-amazing Halloween parties!" So here's your topic -- Anderson Cooper, Halloween Costumes. Go!

Also, feel free to steal that and post on your own blogs -- kind of an Anderson Cooper meme. And given the nature of your blog (family-friendly, or quite the opposite) the part about the orange and black sprinklies is optional (heh, we're pretending here that we actually have more than two readers, and we're also pretending they don't both hail from The Anderson Cooper Corner).

Also, a contest of sorts. You can steal the contest too, if you wish, since even if you aren't from The Anderson Cooper Corner I can virtually guarantee you have more readers than I do, thus making your contest decidedly more interesting than mine. But I invite submissions here of any creative Photoshop jobs with Anderson dressed up in whatever costume you've decided upon for him. If I get any entries at all, I'll be sure and post them. So I guess it's not a contest, because there's no prize. But still...

Alas, no submissions from me, as I don't have Photoshop or any Photoshop worthy programs as I discovered when I tried to figure out how, in one of my recent posts, to make Anderson appear as though his image were framed by a mirror.

2) Topic two -- and I really want you to ponder this one and give me some feedback, because I've spent many an hour gazing at the pictures I'm going to close with and trying to decide this for myself. Chris Martin -- are his eyes really that blue, or is this some trick of lighting and Photoshop magic?

Gold-Hearted Gay Care Bear Sees the Moon

2005-10-15T23:14:00.000-04:00

Gay Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Heart of Gold

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

Apparently I'm a gold-hearted Gay Care Bear.

Anyhow, I went up to Emack & Bolio's to grab an iced tea and, well... Shame-faced, I must admit I also got not one, but two chocolate chunk cookies. So sue me, I needed a treat.

Anyway, as I was walking up there I noticed that the moon is out! And stars! Which means the cloud cover has broken. In other words, when I wake up tomorrow, it'll actually be sunny outside. This is kind of shocking to me. It won't be just another monotone gray, drizzly day, as it has been for over a week running now. It will be sunny! Albeit, chilly, breezy and generally autumnal, but sunny nonetheless.

I'm not sure I'm set to deal with this. See, lately I've been having issues with the passage of time. It started around the time I lost my job and I started trying to figure out what the next step in my life is going to be. That, and having turned 30 exactly two days after getting fired. So you can see how going from the same monotone gray all day long to seeing the sun move throughout the day freely and openly flaunting the passage of time right before my eyes is going to be hard for me.

Also, I notice the moon is nearly full which means it is nearly the conclusion of two months since I was blissfully taking in the Coldplay concert in California just days before returning to find out I was going to get axed. I know that, because just before Coldplay took the stage, as we looked off to the right we could see the moon hanging low over the horizon a kind of reddish orange. It was dramatic. At the time I just chalked it up to a nice special effects trick that God had worked on behalf of Coldplay. It wasn't quite blood red, but close enough that I should've known at the time to take it as an omen... That I would return the following Tuesday, lose my job, and two days later turn the dread 3-0!

So tomorrow the sun will be out, callously reminding me that time is slipping quickly away...

I should've gotten a third cookie!

One More Anderson Item

2005-10-14T22:15:00.000-04:00

To My Faithful Reader:

By now you have certainly had the chance to read Tim Goodman’s article in the San Francisco Chronicle, "Sure, Anderson Cooper is cute and young, but get a grip, CNN" And as much as I don’t want to turn this into an all Anderson all the time blog – because per my last post that already exists – I can’t help but weigh in on this particular piece.

It should come as no surprise to you that I, of course, find the whole thing abominable. But before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s be clear – regarding the actual content of the article I could care less. If you haven’t read the article, the basic sentiment is that Anderson Cooper is overrated, overexposed, blah, blah, blah. Never mind all that. The notion that Anderson Cooper is or does anything less than brilliant is so absurd I can’t even be bothered to be bothered.

What I do take issue with is the description of Anderson Cooper as simply “cute and young,” a description that strikes me as straddling the gap between merely inane and outright offensive. Cute and young? And I ask you, are we talking about some nameless freshman at UCLA? I don’t think so! This will never do.

I can even let Mr. Goodman have “young” but “cute” must go. In its place I insist – nay, I demand a substitution along the lines of “gorgeous” or “exquisite” or even “sublime.” In short, anything that is suitably glorifying of the Luscious One.

And I am not, Faithful Reader, content to let it rest there. Indeed, I come to you now with a purpose in mind, a mission if you will. For you see, if we let even this one instance pass it could usher in an age of less than exalting, insipid descriptions of He Who Must be Adored. And for that, I will not stand. Nor should you, Faithful Reader, nor should you.

So, I ask you, Faithful Reader, to join with me in a coalition (albeit a coalition of two, but a coalition nonetheless) that will rise up against Mr. Goodman and his ilk who seek to describe Anderson Cooper in any way less than reverently. Thus, I propose to you the formation of the Anderson Cooper Anti-Defamation Alliance!

To those ends, I propose we start by creating a pre-approved list of suggested modifiers or modifying phrases to be used when writing or commenting on Anderson Cooper in a public forum. The list will serve as a resource to the uninspired, such as Mr. Goodman, and we will encourage people to borrow from it freely and liberally. Thus will we ensure that Anderson Cooper is never again referred to as merely “cute and young” when, in fact, he is so much more.

You are either for me (and Anderson) or against me (and Anderson). So which is it, Faithful Reader? Just remember, Anderson is counting on you…

Leave your suggested words or phrases in the comments.

Onward and upward, Faithful Reader, onward and upward!

Exciting Times at Hypnablogic! - Part II

2005-10-14T19:11:00.000-04:00

Also continued from Oct 12:

So I mentioned that this was a two-part post. I also mentioned that the reason is because I now have my second blog link exchange. And in truth, this is really like my first sincere exchange, since it wasn't just a general call for links like the Harriet Miers blog. Indeed, someone actually sought me out (after I left a comment on thier blog) and asked me to link to them, and even agreed to link back to me. Actually, you can see this is really a two-for-one kind of deal here, because in addition to my second link exchange, AND my first sincere link exchange, it also means that Hypnablogic has, best of all, it's very first reader! We've really broken into the big league now! What's more this couldn't be a more exciting and appropriate link exchange if I'd dreamt it up! (Sorry for all the exclamation points. I have been reading too much of the Harriet Miers blog, it seems).

But who, you ask, would ever want to link to me? OK, so you wouldn't ask that, because if you're reading this, you probably are the person who asked to link to me in the first place. But let's pretened you would ask that.

And I would answer you with this: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?

And any mirror in the know would naturally answer:

To clear up any confusion, Anderson Cooper does not have a blog to which he asked me to link, sadly enough...

There does exist, however, a fantastic blog that is devoted to all things Anderson Cooper called The Anderson Cooper Corner -- and delightfully enough they did ask me to link to them! So there you have it -- my new link exchange! Hypnablogic is thrilled to not only link to them, but is also honored that they were kind enough to link back to me. And this, given the fact that I gave them the option of linking or not linking back to me as they preferred.

As an aside, be sure and note their blogspot address, "coo-coo-corner" which I love. Should we maybe all take to referring to Anderson Cooper henceforth as simply "coo-coo"? Not so much as an indication that he is, in fact, cuckoo, but simply because anyone so adorable needs an equally adorable diminutive -- or at the very least, a diminutive we can repeat in mixed company.

So, make haste and get over to The Anderson Cooper Corner because where Gawker leaves off with it's trashy Anderson is gay sniping, The Anderson Cooper Corner picks up with a decidedly more respectful tone...

Exciting Times at Hypnablogic! - Part I

2005-10-12T22:00:00.000-04:00

This post from October 12: Intended to publish then, but was trying to get graphics to work...

Indeed, it is a big day at Hypnablogic -- even more so than I thought in my previous post! Shortly after I posted about the Harriet Miers blog link exchange, I checked my e-mail, and lo and behold, I found not one, but two actual e-mails of note.

The first e-mail was one approving my link to the Boston blog map, which you can see here:

Also see the cute little “new” next to both my station, Forest Hills, and next to my very own blog listing.

So this was exciting, but admittedly all I had to do was fill out a form.

Even more exciting is that I have yet another link request! Indeed, someone sought me out specifically to request a link to their blog! And this is noteworthy enough that I’ve decided to give it it’s own post, so stay tuned for part two…

Homos for Harriet???

2005-10-12T19:23:00.000-04:00

Check it out! Not only did I get a link to the Harriet Miers blog, but I -- along with a few others -- prompted an entire entry about gays infiltrating the Harriet Miers "blog role" as it is called there. As noted on the HM blog:

"NOTE: reader AK pointed out that alot of gays are linking to my blog and now some are on my Blog Role. Well AK thats okay with me..."

Needless to say, it's an exciting day at Hynpablogic. It's the very first time anyone has ever linked to me! AND to help prompt a post acknowledging the important presence of gay bloggers as well is simply too good to be true! It's almost, just kind of, just sort of like I was actually mentioned in the post! In keeping with the spirit of the Harriet Miers blog, all I have to say to that is: OMG! LOL!

So, everyone, let's all celebrate! I may even walk up to to Emack and Bolio's and splurge on an iced tea to celebrate. Maybe -- but just maybe -- I'll have a brownie or a cookie, even.

And sorry to switch gears abruptly, but of course, if you're Jewish, you won't be celebrating my blogosphere linking debut because you'll be observing Yom Kippur. And while I'm not Jewish, here's hoping that all of us can be inscribed and sealed for a good year!